Ombak Rindu...

Last Saturday sempat tengok movie dengan kawan-kawan kat Kluang....kebenaran outing digunakan sepenuhnya...gempak gile rase sebab seolah kami chartered panggung tu...sume budak-budak DPA je dalam 30 lebih orang camtu...hahahaha...siap bley back to back 2 movies lagi... kelas ko Maria!

My expectation was very high pasal ni cerita aadaptation dari one of my favourite book~ of coz banyak gak cacat celanya. and jalan cerita yg di fast forwardkan..yela, susah kot nak nak adapt seluruh novel untuk jadi movie 2 jam je...but overall, i can say...best jugak la...

Nangis? ok la, i nangis jugak...tapi nak tau part mana yang start buat i nangis teresak-esak?

Part scene yang ada dialog ni, "tiada apa yang lebih membahagiakan seorang wanita, apabila bergelar seorang ibu"...lebih kurang lah macam tu..

Banyak-banyak scene yang romantis touching and so on, hanya mampu buat saya bergenang airmata....

Dah lama tak rasa sedih camni...
Dah lama tak teringat perasaan ini...

Sejak masuk DPA ni perasaan tu dapat dilupakan sementara...
Tiba-tiba teringat semula..
Ada misi yang belum selesai...

Missing

It had been 8 weeks.....
I miss the treatment...
And I miss the making babies' process...
Run...Time.....Run.... please run fast....

Its Not Time For us yet

Semalam gi O&G lagi...actually dah set appointment ni before puasa lagi.....
Result HSA pun dah keluar~semuanya ok...
Since the previous TTC with help of Clomid were failed, Dr suggest to try Clomid again and have to come start Day 11 for follicle monitoring...at least for 3 cycles and if it all fails too, then will proceed with IUI.

Tapi sebelum apa-apa, I terus cakap kat Dr.~ i have to stop the treatment until March next year due to the course i have to attend....

She just said ok, just give a call when Im back and will proceed to continue the treatment when Im ready...

When walk out from the hospital, husband said, "Kan i dah cakap, semuanya ok....cuma kita belum ada rezeki lagi"
I cuma senyum meleret je. Rasa happy and lega..sebab from all the result showed that there is nothing wrong with both of us..which mean supposedly we can conceive naturally...

BUT...
It is all with the permission and blesses from Allah...
Kun Faya Kun...

My hubby sempat lagi cakap, pasni kalau sape2 komen apa2 lagi or cakap2 je lagi kat u...
Campak je result tu depan they all...
Biar they all sedar yang buat anak ni kerja Tuhan bukan kerja kita...(I just LOve you so much Dear for this idea!..*hugs n kisses*)

At one part, I can see and feel that God has other plan for us...He knows the best what is for us
And im thankful for that...Feel so blessed with the rezeki given to us recently...
So, we will just follow the flow and will continue waiting and hoping for the correct time for this other blessed from Him...patiently.....as we know its not time for us yet...

As for now, we will appreciate the time He spare just for two of us....before we will be moved to our new chapter in life by Him...

So, see you again in March 2012...

Postpone of TTC

Arini dah dapat panggilan rasmi..
So confirm la kena pegi gak bulan Oktober ni...
So, semua xtvt TTC will be postpone until April next year...
Hmmmm......seems like God has another plan for me...
Bak kata hubby, takde rezeki kat sini, dye bagi rezeki kat lain plak...
Cheers..

Pasal raya tahun ini...

  

Raya tahun ni tak seperti tahun-tahun sebelumnya...
Tak balik kampung, tak beriya-iya celebrate raya...
Tahun ni hati i memang merajuk gile...
Im not sending or replying any msg wishing of hari raya...
First time jugak raya berdua je dengan hubby...di rumah sendiri....
Tapi 1st raya tu pegi jugaklah umah MIL sekejap, my parents dah balik kg...
Nothing much that we did...
Second day of hari raya as been planned we all flew for vacation...
Have agreed earlier with hubby to spent some quality time together...
Since this year we have not go for any vacation and holiday yet..and we have been workaholic throughout the year, we really need a break..
So we took opportunity of this long holidays for relaxing and vacationing..

But no regret...the vacation was great!!  sampaikan my hubby cakap rasa taknak balik...
Everything was perfect...1st time tak salah pilih agen...feel sooo welcome...
Release tension and stress...we did have good time...just two of us!! and with all the mat sallehs and foreigners....ada la melayu sekerat dua...
No tensi, no worry, no stupid questions...

 

Hmmm hubby dah berangan raya tahun depan nak pegi mana plak ye?

P/s: hubby ada cakap, kawan dye yang tak smoke pun dah bertahun-tahun tak dapat anak jugak, kawan dye yg sorg tu smoking cam ship chimney, badan macam badak dah nak masuk dua dah anak dye, setahun satu plak tu...hm...semua ni rezeki.....despite of all the myth and mitos (teringat post pn stoberi pasal kucing tu)....cuma kadang-kadang kita tak tahan dengan mulut-mulut orang yang tak faham....tu je...

Mood raya?

Semua orang tengah mood nak raya...
Aku plak...
Still lagi kat opis at this hour doing nothing...
Memand taun ni tak tau kenapa
Mood nak raya tu memang tak ada langsung..
Mak dah call tanya bila cuti...
Nak soh balik buat kuih raya...hmmmm,tengoklah petang ni kalau rajin..
Then raya pertama plak kat umah MIL..first time nak raya umah MIL sebab biasanya akan balik kg..
mestilah tak best sebab raya kat KL kan..
apa yang ada?...semua org balik kg even my parents..
tapi sebab hubby cakap tahun-tahun lepas dah balik kg
tahun ni beraya sini la plak..balik kg lambat skit..
ikutkan je la..padahal rumah MIL dengan rumah i tu 10 minit je dah sampai..
memang la tak feel kan nak raya...
kalau nak balik kg raya 2 ke 3 ke 4 ke baik tak yah...dah kurang meriahnya banding dgn hari 1...

 pastu plak dengan situasi macam ni...tambah dengan pengalaman kes bertandang ke rumah org dengan SIL aku yg satu tu dulu plus dengan situasi masa buka puasa hari tu, lagi aku malas....
Nasib baik gak hubby dah agree...raya kedua ni we all bertolak g vacation...
yahoo..tu je yang best..

Apapun..
SELAMAT HARI RAYA pada semua geng-geng TTC...
Thanks for always be there..

Kesan ubat kah?

Kawan-kawan semua,
nak tanya lah pada yang berpengalaman..
last 2 cycle (mei dan jun) saya dah amik clomid...
 (tapi still -ve)
cuma satu perkara yang berubah~
cycle period saya jadi pendek..
selalunya dalam 28-31 hari, tapi sekarang tepat 26 hari, mesti dah period..
then bila period plak, jadi pendek dalam 2-3 hari je..
dah 3 cycle since first makan clomid tu...

hmmmm, ingat nanti baru nak tanya Dr masa appointment bulan depan
tapi better juga tanya kawan-kawan TTC dulu...
sebab takde plak terbaca kesan clomid akan jadi macam tu...
ke ade sebab-sebab lain...
contohnya: terlebih stress ke? hehehhe...

baby to TTC men

Tadi masuk miting MPTP, then duduk sebelah one guy fren ni. know him but not that close because we are in different divisions~ mula2 sembang biasa2 je. then hp dye vibrate..
A few minutes later, dye tunjuk kat i gambar baby dye,"My son, baru 3 ari."..ooo, wife dye picture msg "hi abi"
I ckap congratulations tp tunjuk muka terkejut, then dye jawab la," Bos call soh dtg miting ni, pas abis ni balik la."
OOoo...ok, dah menjawab persoalan aku. (Govt kan kalau wife bersalin dapat cuti 7 hari)....Comel, gedik hati i...
Then, dye sambung cerita kat i,"First child after 7 years"
OO, yg ni lg buat aku terkejut..sebab i tak tau..."After 5 years kahwin baru i g treatment," katanya
Alhamdulillah akhirnya...patut la nampak lain macam je happiness dye masa tunjuk gambar baby tu..
Tapi tak sempat sembang panjang sebab miting dah start..
hehehe..
tapi hati macam gembira je bila dapat news ada geng TTC yang dah berakhir penantiannya...

Kenapa mesti perempuan...

*hari ni tak puasa sebab tu boleh lepaskan marah sepuas-puasnya*

Again, this story happened in my MIL's house during buka puasa last Friday...

Actually, my second SIL lost her baby on Wednesday...memang surprised gile sebab malam selasa tu buka puasa sama2 macam takde apa2 pun..normal je, alih2 pagi Rabu tu my MIL text n informed ada di hospital. Kakngah was admitted, baby dah takde nadi ~ meninggal dlm kandungan. she was 6-7 months plus pregnant that time...memang la sedih kan..lebih2 lagi plak dlm bulan Ramadhan ni...
Tapi i dgn hubby tak sempat nak visit kakngah lagi sebab dye mcm tgh depress..taknak jumpa org, taknak cakap dgn org sume..anak dye yg 3 org tu ada kat umah my MIL...so i tak tau apa punca jadi mcm tu...

Ok, back to the real story...
My hubby was chatting with his mum and elder sister. He said nak g tgk kakngah...Then his sister (This sister is the same one yg kes kat kluang tu) cakap sambil gelak2," Nanti w** pujuk2 la kakngah...jgn sedih2..mu ckp kat dye, takpe la Tuhan nak amik satu pun, mu dah ada tiga, tengok aku satu pun takde lagi!".......(the words she said exactly, no edited version)
Perghhhhh........berdesing gile telinga aku dengar....kalau pun hubby aku nak pujuk kakngah, perlu ke cakap macam tu? Apesal tak ko je yg cakap sendiri macam tu? oooo...pasal ko dah ada dua anak eh...pasal aku tak de lagi....
Perlu ke nak pujuk org dgn menyakitkan hati sendiri...WTH!!! Elo kalau aku pujuk, aku akan cakap macam ni la wei~"Kakngah boleh sedih....sape tak sedih kalau hilang anak, tapi akak ada tiga lagi yang perlukan akak..sekurang2nya kakngah patut happy sebab dah ada yang akan tunggu di syurga nanti, anak yg boleh bantu ibunya nanti di akhirat untuk masuk ke syurga, tak semua org dapat rezeki macam tu"...hah! kan lebih manis...actually tu ayat yg aku sms kat kakngah...

Then tak habis kat situ,
Sambung plak cakap kat aku,"Z*** tak cuba try berubat ke? Berurut ke? Try la Biodex bla bla bla...try mkn bla bla bla"
Sib baik hubby tolong jawab,"Hm, ape lagi yg tak trynye kaklong...dah takde rezeki lagi...cakap je tak guna, meh la duit, ingat murah ke sume tu?"..hm...lega skit ade org backup...Hubby dah perasaan muka aku dah berubah,sebab tu dye spontan je dye tolong jawabkan kot. Hubby tau dah kalau aku dah diam ketap bibir tak jawab apa2 tu maknanya tahap larva kemarahan aku dah sampai nak meletup je...Apesal asyik tuju kat aku plak....Apesal mesti tanya kat pompuan je..abis tu adik ko tu tak payah nak berubat jugak ke? It takes two to make babies....lain lah kalau aku boleh mengandung dgn sendirinya...
Sib baik gak my MIL pun masuk menyampuk,"Alah, kaklong kau tu dulu pun tiga tahun baru mengandung"..
Hah! abistu takkan tak reti bahasa dan tak faham jugak isu isu sensitif macam ni...Pastu sekarang nak balas balik menyakitkan hati org macam ko pernah rasa dulu ke? WTH!!
Pastu my MIL berceritalah pasal kawan dye tu, aku tak kenal tapi hubby kenallah...
10 tahun kahwin baru dapat anak, pastu Tuhan bagi tiap-tiap tahun. Sekarang dah 7 org dah anak dye..
Hmmm....oklah, my MIL just bercerita untuk tidak mengeruhkan keadaan shaja....
Tapi memang tah kenapa rasa macam nak mengamuk gile masa tu...tapi bile balik rumah, rasa sedih nak nangis...Esoknya, AF...hmmmm, patutlah mood tunggang langgang.....

Pasal mengidam Stuffed Crab..

Dah lama sangat2 teringin nak makan stuffed crab...
1st time makan masa kat Kemaman tahun lepas, terus jatuh cinta...
Cari kat KL ni susah la plak....tanya kawan-kawan pun they all tak tau...
Akhirnya ada gak kawan bagitau ada menu stuffed crab kat Restoran Intai-Intai, Ampang..
Akan wajib ajak Mr Hubby pegi sana....
Tapi not for Buka Puasa...sebab we all memang tak berapa gemar berbuka di luar..
(Dulu-dulu masa tunang adalah kot sekali dua)..hehehe...

Will reserve the location for our birthday celebration...
This year will be a big makan-makan event...Sebab celebrate tiga birthday sekaligus...
Me, Ayah and Adik...Becoz my and ayah's birthday fall in bulan puasa while adik's will be on the 1st week of raya..
So, ayah decided to combine the celebration this year...

So, sebagai pembakar semangat....
 Here is my favourite stuffed crab:

Perasaaan ini...

Tak tau kenapa...
Setiap kali balik je dari hospital...
Hati mesti sedih dan sayu...
Mesti je rasa nak nangis...

Kadang-kadang terfikir...
Why me? why it has to be me?

Setiap kali balik je dari hospital...
Mula terfikir bukan-bukan...
Macam mana kalau ditakdirkan kami memang tak punya zuriat?
would i end up in the old folks home later?
die alone and lonely?

Its a long and tiring journey...
And it tested my patient to the maximum..
Kadang-kadang nak nangis sebab rasa macam tak boleh nak lalui lagi..
Penderitaan perasaan macam ni..
Kenapalah orang susah sangat nak faham?
Kenapalah orang anggap buat baby tu macam semudah nak masak nasi?
Kadang-kadang nasi pun boleh jadi bubur la....

Some said (and advise)..
Jangan stress, rileks je..chill out..
Kalau stress macam mana nak ada baby/
Is that so?

But when you become me,
With all the hopes..long lasting treatment which lead to no where yet...
With the feeling you have to bury..
Like you are an alien in the group of normal people...
Then you will understand better..
How can i be rileks and chill out and not stress..
Tell me how and why?

i hate i have to put myself in this situation..
and i hate the feeling of putting my husband in this situation too...
and it sadden me when i realize that maybe
our baby making process has to be done in the lab...
through all that kind of processess and procedures...
when it suppose to be a romantic process..no lovey dovey stuff...
but what matter is..
we have our own child...

Okay...
i know aku dah mula melalut yang bukan-bukan..
but who cares, this is my place to express my feeling...

Nak amik gambar macam ni:~

 dan yang ini jugak:~

owh, ini pun nak jugak:~

yang ni plak wajib amik:~

mestilah kena ada gambar baby n mummy:~

baby and daddy pun kena ada jugak:~

and we are one happy family:~

 

yang ni pun kena ada gak sebab daddy boleh guna topi koboi yang beli kat seremban hari tue:~

last, but not least.. gambar baby before and after:~

tiba-tiba....

tersedar dari mimpi..

semua ni belum boleh jadi kenyataan lagi...

Jaga baby punya cerita..

Yes, jaga baby 4 ekor kat umah...ok...saya ada dua ekor kucing satu spesis biasa satu lagu spesis bengal..tapi tiger si kucing bengal saya telah hilang beberapa minggu selepas pindah ke rumah baru..puas saya cari tapi tak jumpa jugak...sedih wooo sebab itu kucing kesayangan saya...macam rasa hilang anak sebab saya dah jaga dari kecil, saya amik masa umo dye 2-3 bulan camtu. pastu sebab kesian amik sekor lagi kucing kampung buat kawan dengan tiger.hubby namakan cuput sebab sangat pemalu orangnya... sekarang dah almost setahun..

baru-baru ni dua-dua ada babies..so, total kucing saya kat rumah dah jadi 10 ekor. mula-mula hubby dah pening camne nak jaga banyak2 camni..masa cuput deliver, i yang jadi bidan terjun...my hubby tak sanggup tengok..kesian katanya...hahaha...esok2 kalau i yang bersalin entah macam mana lah agaknye..

pastu si cuput ni plak bengong dye bawak pindah anak-anak dye, masa tu dah lebih kurang 1 month old~ entah kat mana dye letak kat lua kawasan rumah..pastu terus hilang sampai sekarang. masa tu memang sangat kesian kat dye..meraung-meraung cari anak dye..a few days later tiger plak give birth to empat ekor anak kucing yang sangat comel (duit-duit!!!)...so, sebab kesiankan si cuput saya bahagi-bahagikan. Dua kitten saya jadikan anak angkat pada cuput. And this time she is very overprotective...

Kemudian, dalam dua minggu lepas, tiger tak balik-balik...a night before tu, my hubby cakap dye x tutup sliding door...Cari cari tak jumpa-jumpa...So, in the end, cuput jadi ibu susuan pada 4 kittens tu...

Malam tadi hubby takde gi Ipoh, petang tu dye sms, "Cuput sakit, xnak makan, xnak menyusukan anak"...Actually i tau dye sakit since the day before lagi tp ingatkan dye sakit sikit-sikit je. So, ingat balik nak terus bawa g klinik tapi sampai rumah dah tak ada...panggil panggil cari cari pun tak ada...so, saya ignore sekejap sebab biasanya kucing yang sakit akan cuba berubat sendiri dulu. anak-anak kucing saya dah bising kelaparan..

 dah pening, baru 1 month mana pandai makan biskut lagi...suap air kosong dengan sudu plak dye taknak minum plak...last-last kena keluar balik ke pet shop cari botol n susu. dah pukul 9 malam kedai kat area rumah plak dah tutup..kena drive g giant. Sib baik ada...

Sampai rumah tgk hubby pun dah balik...terus bancuh susu, hubby yang susukan...sebab beli 1 botol je, so kena lah gilir-gilir...hehehe...sangat comel dowh tengok hubby susukan baby dengan botol...silap tak amik gambar...pastu pas menyusu kena usap-usap bulu dye macam mak dye selalu buat...

Sempat lagi jokes dengan hubby,"Hmmmm....baru anak kucing 4 ekor dah kelam kabut..esok kalau 4 orang anak tak tau lah macam mana"...
cerita kelam kabut jaga baby tamat jam 1.00 pagi..dalam. kul 3 hubby bangun bagi susu lagi sebab dah bising-bising..akibatnya pagi ni lambat sikit bangun kena g keje...lewat 2 minit..punch card merah! hahahaha...

Hati seorang suami...

This weekend i spent most of the time with hubby....Maklumlah kan...dah 2 minggu dah jumpa..
Banyak perkara yang kami sembang, cerita and update..

And of the first thing yang dye tanya,"Whether my period is delayed or not"..Sadly have to inform i got my period last week..then dye diam.."xpe lah, nak wat camne, takde rezeki lagi". Pastu kiteorg sambung lagi lepak2, makan2 sembang2..

Tapi one thing, i realize sgt2 perubahan air muka dye...So, masa dlm kereta nak balik tu, i asked him, " D, u sedih eh B x pregnant lagi?"..Dye jawab, "sedih la jugak, even u dah amik ubat pun x jadi jugak, tapi xpe lah bulan ni kita cuba lagi". Bila dye sedih, I lagi lah rasa sedih....

Hmmm.....selalu nya I yang lebih2 about getting pregnant, nak babies and sort of things..
Tapi first masa g check up dgn Dr tu, memang mr. hubby yang banyak tanya banding dengan i...Dye memang jarang nak luah, nak cakap macam kita yang perempuan ni kan..Sampaikan kadang2 I rasa hubby ni macam tak faham ke tak tau perasaan I ni... Sebab dye selalu cakap, "Wat rileks sudah.." bila2 i cakap pasal TTC ni. One thing yang I selalu geram dulu sebab he is so cool, no matter what people, friends and family said to us..

But then, sekarang i dah tau, he feel what I felt...recently pun my hubby is more concern about my feeling on this TTC journey..At the same time jugak, our conversation continues to the story of our friends (So happen that my fren married his friend) who is juz got new baby girl..

Hubby: A msg bagitau Q dah bersalin last week. Q bagitau u x?
Me : Ada msg tapi i tak reply..
Hubby: Nape?
Me:........... (diam je)
Hubby: Nak g tengok tak?
Me: Tak nak lah, i stress la bila tengok baby...
Hubby: Kecuali baby fitrah kan.hahaha..ala, wat rileks jer (again, his favourite tagline)..
Me: U senang la cakap..
Hubby: U tak suka orang tanya2 u kan? Ok, lain kali kalau orang tanya u lagi u jawab je camni, "Ni tanya betul-betul ikhlas ke? Atau tanya sebab dah tak de benda lain nak tanya? Atau dah tak tau nak cakap apa dengan saya?" (he did it with faces like mami jarum that make me laugh)...
Me: (laughing)

And we did talk about this TTC things...for first time ever~ a real talk and discussion on the feelings.. i realize now, either me or hubby, the pressure the stress the feelings are all same. beza cuma I ada blog tempat meluahkan tapi hubby lebih banyak memendam dan wat rilek je. I even told him that I have blog and TTC friends..the stories, experience that we shared...how they ease my feelings each time...

But now I also know, i can talk and express anything with him...He does know and understand as well...

Love u D

Diumumkan First cycle dgn clomid dah gagal....AF menjelma on 15 Jun aritu, agak cepat dalam 27 hari je..before this biasanya 1 cycle tu dalam 29 to 33 days...hmmm...
maybe sebab stress kot aritu pindah rumah..
 Bulan ni tak amik clomid walaupun stok bulan ni dah dibekalkan oleh Dr. tempoh hari..sebabnya haritu balik umah my parents and tak bawa clomid. AF plak sampai awal~unexpected...Bulan depan plak la nampaknya....tapi masa tu plak dah dkt2 nak bulan puasa...
Entahlah...guess it's not the right time yet..

Do you know that those who appear very strong, in fact have emotional heart and very vulnerable?

Do you know that those who appear very strong, in fact have emotional heart and very vulnerable?

- so, people might see me that I'm strong, tough, fierce and so on...but deep down my heart, I'm so fragile...

my heart is easily broken..and to heal it needs time..the wound might be heeled but the scar will remain...

i don't revenge and grudge people..so please do not disturb my heart! 

sometimes in life, we have to face a situation when you have to choose one between two things..If you choose A, then at the same time you have to loose B...

Yes, that is life..everything need sacrifice. have to learn to let go something you might love..choose and loose...

i want baby..desperately! i will do anything juz to have a baby...

juz reach home frm my mum's.. already miss baby fitrah like hell..thnx sis for willing to share the moment with me....

p.s: skrg tgh nangis gile sbb ape pun xtau lauu

Tentang Sahabat

Throughout my life, I've met and made a lot of friends but the one that are really close to me can be counted with fingers...

Friends whom i really share everything about my life (maybe not all but most of it..), friends whom are there with me through thick and thin times, up and down of life, through laughter and tears, through happiness and sadness, whom so called my Best Friend Forever (cewah..cam Paris Hilton plak)~ well, i can say : not many..

There are certain reasons why we became BFF, and the best part is at this stage~i can share and exchange TTC stories with them...
Yes...and why? becoz we are in the same shoes..or at least was in the same shoes before...

NZ: She is the first best friend that i have... we were in the same secondary school. To be exact we were in the same classes throughout schooling years, same game house, same tuition class, same matrix and even same U (but i left on the 2nd year and continue in other U~ well, that will be another story). She even work in KL now, so we do spend a lot of time together...She got married in 2006, 3 years before me. I was her bridesmaid of coz...Then after 2 years, she was still not pregnant. She's gone through what Im going through now. At that time, she always call me, crying, expressing her feeling, the pressure people around put on her especially her MIL. I was not married yet that time. She even told me all the fertility treatment she is going to do and done, either tradisional way or modern way. Too many ways that i cant imagine at that point of time, juz for her to get pregnant. And alhamdulillah finally she got pregnant in 2009 (the year i got married) and now is expecting the second child. At least, I was exposed to this TTC thing quite early. She even recommeded me to the hospital that she went and all the treatment that she went through. But its a private hospital which i cant afford. Lucky her becoz her company bear the cost for the treatment. I have done berurut which said nothings wrong with me, but i dont think im willing to swallow all the bitter taste of akar kayu like she did. She always encouraging me with her words~ "dont give a shit about people around, they will never satisfy with what ever you have or dont have"..hahaha...snow keep asking her," mengandung la lagi, mana tau dapat gal plak"...people sometimes can be so annoying kan...

EZ: She is my classmate in form 4 and 5 but we become close during the matriculation time with othey friend, K...She got married on 2008..And she is always the pretty princess among us all...She got pregnant a year later. At first she did not expect that she is pregnant becoz her period is always ting tong..sometimes even 3 to 4 months she have got no period at all, so when she dont get her period, she thought it was normal..Later, when she decided to plan for baby, she and hubby went to see Dr, then only, Dr told her that she already 4 months pregnant..Lucky her, isnt it? The sad side of her story is she was paralysed a day after she gave birth to a healthy and handsome baby boy (morning)...She got fever later at night she delivered and attacked with stroke around 3am..The saddess thing is  she always mention to me, how she long to hug and hold her baby..she cant carry her baby too long with one left hand. It had been almost a year and she still undergo physio..Alhamdullilah, she now can walk again, even slow but her right hand still cant move..

CT: I met her during my studies in UKM in year 2005...we were classmates since sem 1. During my degree years we perform study group from the 1st day of meeting. There is 6 of us (me, CT, ZZ, S, H and G) And weirdly, we stick as best friends (best friends till today) throughout the college years. In every assignment, groupies,exams..nobody mess with us and nobody can separate us. And the bond become stronger more than just class/coursemate. Its friendship. Even lecturers know about our so called excellent students group even before we enter their class next year.hahaha..belagak siot! It's really a sweet memories...okay, that will be another story of our hanky panky years also...Ct is just like me~ we are TTCing..and until today me n CT are still praying, dreaming and hoping the greatest gift of all. We shared a lot of tears and laughter together about this TTC things...The only thing is her hubby is not very supportive about this infertility things. Teasing her for not getting pregnant but when ever my friend ask to go for check up to see who really has the problem, he refuse. And this always stressed her out and make her feel fed up.. At least, we become shoulders to each other....Gal, i know you are strong...stronger than me indeed..Just be patient ok.

J: I've known her during my part time works and we bond together since the first time we met.The similarity of us is we are the type of people who is not easily make friends with strangers. Pretty weird how we can cling to each other! She came from filthy rich family i must say...She juzt got married recently. And to my surprise, she married to 40 over years old man and mat salleh too! Last month, when we went out together, she told me a secret that even her parents and family did not know. She is going to do IVF soon as her husband got some problems with the sperms (low count and weak). He did mentioned to her from the beginning as it was the reason why his wife left him before and he did not the same thing happen again. But i must say, love for him is above everthing to my friend. After 1st month of the wedding they already seek treatment from the hospital. Will proceed with the IVF after she came back from her honeymoon + holiday in a few weeks time.

The other best friends of mine~ all are married except K and H. ZZ is expecting his third child. Yup, He did told us during our college years that he and wife were on family planning as they already got 2 children. Will plan for another child after graduate. At least it does take 3 years to start all over again for your planning, right? Hehehe...and congratulations on your expecting. S just got married last year and no further story. G just got married last weekend and this week is the receptions on his side. Cant wait and so excited to gathered again.. We are planning for movies after the kenduri. Except G~ u are not allowed to join us, at least for this Saturday coz u are the groom...hahaha...

So, there goes the story of my friends...and this is the first time Im counting the numbers of best friends i have, only 8 out of 300 (in my FB list~ friends that i really know from my primary, secondary, matriculation, U and work)...I dont social much so i dont really make friends outside. But it's not quantity but quality that count, right...At least, the friends that i have are really friends whom i can rely and depends on...And now, i have a new circle of friends~TTC Friends!

Masih ada impian

Aku terbang menuju ke bintang
Patah sayap lalu hujan mendatang
Apakah bisa impian dicapai dengan senang?
Atau hidup ini tidak ada yang tenang?

Cuba engkau perhatikan ia
Seakan memanggil untukmu kesana
Adakah semua bintang2 sudah ada yang punya?
Atau adakah sebuah bintang untukku telah tercipta?

Indah sungguh malam damai ini
Seakan aku tidak mahu masa berganjak lagi
Apakah ini hanyalah mimpi?
Mencari ilusi dalam fantasi

Aku mahu temankan mu melihat bintang
Agar kita berdua dalam keadaan tenang
Daripada kacau bilau yang mendatang
Dan kita berkongsi harapan agar impian kita takkan hilang.