Labels

I Love You (3) lagu fav (1) perasaan (38) TTC (44)

Friday, March 6, 2015

The Miracle

Many were surprise with the arrival of my baby boy..
In blogs, i had a few posts in my draft which somehow i don't feel right to post..
Even in social media, i dont talk or post or mentioned anything about it..
It just seems not right..
Until a day we are at home, my hubby was the one who spill the beans in FB..

He was born at 36 weeks..a bit earlier than expected due date..too risky to wait until full term..
Yup, i found out quite late that im pregnant, dah 3 bulan lebih nak masuk 4..sebab i have my periods as usual..cuma jadi pendek macam sehari dua je and sikit je darahnya..
Kakak yang berurut tu kata bunting pelanduk namanya..
Oh ya, masa berurut yang kali keberapa tu..akak tu cakap, "macam dah ada ni".
Then dia cakap kat hubby, of course masa perjalanan balik ke rumah dalam kereta, nampak hubby macam happy sangat...tapi biasalah, sebagai seorang yang selalu patah hati, I buat bodoh je and cakap, jangan nak mengharap sangatlah..

Cuma one day, i demam..muntah-muntah teruk, makan ape pun semua keluar balik..suspect salah makan or masuk angin..pergi klinik nak minta MC sebenarnya and Dr (GP) suspect i pregnant..
But i denied it..to cut short Dr ask to make pregnancy test..sebab malas nak argue and to prove the dr is wrong so i pun buat je lah..
And that moment starts another new story in my life...

So later, i refer to Hospital Putrajaya since i memang dah buat treatment di situ..
First problem, i tak boleh nak detect when was my last period..
Then from blood test, saiz of the sac, and so on and the list go on..ok, it was assumed that my pregnancy was about 3 months plus..
Then, the bad news...
Since memang dari awal I ada masalah dengan saiz rahim yang kecik and abnormal, Dr already informed me that the chances for him to survive is 50/50, either misccariage or chances to early delivery..but of course i diberi suntikan untuk kuatkan rahim..and at the same time, berurut dengan akak tu untuk kuatkan rahim..
Seriously i dont really have a smooth pregnancy journey..
dan tak berhenti berdoa supaya selamat..
That is really tearing my heart into pieces, worst feeling than getting my IUI failed..
Orang masa pregnant happy je...i plak asyik nangis takut....tah pape je..maybe terlebih emotional kot..
Kalau dulu, willing to do anything to get pregnant..At that moment, Im willing to do anything to make sure the baby is safe..

I dont officially announce in FB..maybe a little hint to ada kot..but in general statement that actually nobody cares or can guessed it correctly..Lain-lain..life as usual..Rasanya orang yang ada di sekeliling je kot yang tau..
Reason: i takut if announce then something bad happen, i need to reannounce it again and people starts commenting in FB..Im afraid im not strong enough and emotionally stable to handle it..
Lagipun, macam mana we go through the TTC journey on our own, i think this journey too is our personal journey..

Alhamdulillah, finally, on 15 September 2014 at 11.09 pm,our strong baby boy was born..a few days in ward..next problem, i tak boleh nak produce enough milk to feed my baby yang kat hospital..nangis lagi..rasa bersalah sangat..Rasa macam "ko nak sangat anak, Tuhan dah bagi tapi kau tak boleh nak jaga dia kan"

Ok..ok..memang terlebih emo..

Tapi alhamdulillah...he is now one healthy, enegertic and strong boy..
And drastically put weight after 2 months..

Thank you God ... for bestowed me the best gift whne i less expected it...


Monday, March 2, 2015

11 Of The Worst Things You Can Say To Someone Struggling With Infertility

http://www.buzzfeed.com/whatjanedid/the-11-worst-things-you-can-say-to-someone-struggl-15zo9#.glPwEEwB2

1. “Are you pregnant yet?”

11 Of The Worst Things You Can Say To Someone Struggling With Infertility
CW / Via giphy.com
No, are you tactful yet?

2. “Maybe having children is not in God’s plan for you.”

11 Of The Worst Things You Can Say To Someone Struggling With Infertility
CBS / Via giphy.com
What may be comforting to some is deeply insulting to others. Infertility can feel like a personal failing and by putting it down to simply not being in God’s plan, you are throwing our suffering in our face.

3. “Just be patient.”

11 Of The Worst Things You Can Say To Someone Struggling With Infertility
Warner Bros. / Via giphy.com
Imagine yourself in our shoes and what it would be like if someone kept telling you to be patient for something you desperately want and may never have.

4. “Have you tried the fertility diet?”

11 Of The Worst Things You Can Say To Someone Struggling With Infertility
CityTV / Via giphy.com
Or acupuncture? Or sleeping with your pelvis tilted at a 45 degree angle? Or Googling fertility spells? Yep, we’ve tried literally everything.

5. “At least you still get to sleep in on weekends!”

11 Of The Worst Things You Can Say To Someone Struggling With Infertility
HBO / Via giphy.com

6. “Everything happens for a reason.”

11 Of The Worst Things You Can Say To Someone Struggling With Infertility
The CW / Via giphy.com
When you’re struggling with infertility, every month is an emotional rollercoaster of hope and anticipation, followed by heartbreaking disappointment. Please don’t tell us there’s a reason for this. We’d rather you acknowledge how much it sucks and mourn with us.

7. “Why don’t you just adopt?”

11 Of The Worst Things You Can Say To Someone Struggling With Infertility
Nexflix / Via giphy.com
“Just” adopt? Adoption should not be treated like a consolation prize or like a quick fix to someone’s yearning for a biological child. It’s a deeply personal choice, a huge decision, and there’s nothing “just” about it.

8. “I got pregnant my very first cycle off the pill.”

11 Of The Worst Things You Can Say To Someone Struggling With Infertility
Walt Disney Pictures / Via giphy.com
We’re truly happy for you, but is it necessary to rub it in?

9. “Even though you miscarried, at least you know you can get pregnant.”

11 Of The Worst Things You Can Say To Someone Struggling With Infertility
HBO / Via giphy.com
File this under: “highly insensitive.”

10. “You just must be too stressed.”

11 Of The Worst Things You Can Say To Someone Struggling With Infertility
Fox / Via giphy.com
You know what’s stressing me out? This conversation.

11. “Well at least you can have fun trying!”

11 Of The Worst Things You Can Say To Someone Struggling With Infertility
ITV / PBS / Via giphy.com
Sadly, IVF can kill your sex drive, but…you’re not completely wrong. *Winks suggestively*

So what should you do?

11 Of The Worst Things You Can Say To Someone Struggling With Infertility
SONY Pictures / Via giphy.com
Offer your support, love, and an endless supply of hugs.

Monday, January 26, 2015

Little munchkin is now 4 months old..

How should i starts..

Just a simple annoucement..Sorry for not informing earlier..

We are blessed with a beautiful anugerah on 15 September 2014 at 11.05 pm.



To my arjuna,

You are not the final destination, but the extended journey of what mummy and daddy has gone through before..

You are the reminder on how mercy God is...

and the prove that miracles do happen..


I don't know if I will become a good mother. But I believed I will be a loving mother, I will show to him that he is special, but not necessarily be an arrogant. He is unique, but not necessarily centre of attention. He is brilliant, but not necessarily fast. He is strong, not necessarily underestimating others.

Friday, May 23, 2014

Salam TTC..

If you see a married couple with no children don't always ask them "Guys when are you about to have some kids!" Be sensitive. You have absolutely no idea what is going on in their lives and what Allah has written for them. Even though you mean well, just be sensitive to their situation

Photo: Tersentuh...maaf kalau saya penah buat sape2 tersinggung sblum ni...Photo: If you see a married couple with no children don't always ask them "Guys when are you about to have some kids!" Be sensitive. You have absolutely no idea what is going on in their lives and what Allah has written for them. Even though you mean well, just be sensitive to their situation. Please SHARE to remind others.
via Islamic Online University

Saturday, May 17, 2014

usaha sepanjang setahun ini...

Assalamualaikum...

Lamanya bersawang blog ni kan...
Lama tak menulis..
Bukan sengaja..
Tapi sebab memang tak ada apa-apa pembaharuan apatah lagi perubahan...
Treatment hospital pun dah lama terbengkalai...
Dah setahun berlalu since the last IUI..
Bukan tak nak sambung tapi masa tu kekangan kerja yang sangat tinggi..
Diberikan peluang menggalas tanggung jawab yang besar...melaksanakan dua tugas serentak..
Fuh, macam superwomen rasanya..
Rasa macam dah ready nak mencabar diri sendiri ke tahap yang lebih tinggi..
Tapi...

Tapi diam tak diam masa berlalu membuatkan usaha TTC selama ni jadi terabai...
Sayang..Marriage pun ada sedikit kedinginan dalam tempoh tersebut..
Tiada kepuasan kerja...apatah lagi di rumah..
After setahun mengambil kesempatan dengan program transformasi di ofis..
Minta tukar unit...biarlah orang cakap tugas sekarang ni tak mencabar..tak glamour..
Sebab rasanya bukan itu yang dicari...
Yang pasti boleh balik on time setiap hari ...takde lagi nak kena out station selalu..takde lagi balik lambat selalu..takde lagi perlu bekerja sehingga ke hujung minggu...

Alhamdulillah..hidup makin teratur dan normal dalam dua bulan ini..
Kalau ada yang tertanya-tanya..belum...saya masih lagi seperti setahun yang lalu..

So, saya sambung semula usaha TTC...
Mungkin sebab stress dengan kerja, period saya yang selalu je teratur dan on time jadi ting tong...
And masalah keputihan yang agak teruk juga..sampai rasa gatal yang amat..sampai saya garu pun melecet n luka..
Tambah satu masalah baru kan...

Kebetulan masa tu tengah 'panas' dengan produk Shaklee..saya cuba..kebetulan ada seorang kawan bloggers n seofis yang jadi pengedarnya...
And saya amalkan membersihkan tempat tu dengan dengan air rebusan daun sirih..
Alhamdulillah period saya jadi ok semula...and keputihan pun hilang..

Kemudian,
Satu hari tu..
Bos lama datang jumpa saya...nak bagitau good news...
Dia bagitau dia dapat sambung belajar ke Jepun..
Oo..sedikit latar belakang beliau..
Umur awal 40-an..dia lambat kahwin..kahwin tahun 2010 iaitu setahun selepas saya..
Husband dia pun dalam 40s camtu..tapi duda..pengacaara sebuah rancangan talkshow kat RTM..hehe..kalau bagitau nama mungkin ada yang kenal..
Selalu juga tukar-tukar cerita ttg TTC ni, she is a very understanding and supportive person..
Im so lucky to have her as my immediate boss actually...
She told me she is 2 months pregnant..huhu...masa tu kami sama-sama rasa macam nak menangis..
Sebab dia kata, bagi dia at her age tu dapat kahwin and ada seorang suami yang penyayang pun dah besar rahmatnya..terutama sekali bila dia nak start buat treatment tapi husband dia macam tak supportive..so dia pendamkan je..lagipun family dia or in laws tak pernah bagi pressure..maybe sebab situasi and usia dia kot..
So dia abaikan je.
Sampaila dia amik Shaklee untuk atasi masalah ezcema dia yang teruk..alhamdulillah jadi ok..then dealer dia tu suggest la dia untuk amik set kesuburan shaklee..so dia pun try lah..alhamdulillah after 2 months dia pregnant..
Im just so happy for her..double joy..
Then dia adalah share item2 Shaklee yang dia amik...nanti i share kan ye..

So, i pun cubalah juga the whole bunch of sets yang dia dah cuba tu..manalah tau kan...
Tapi dah masuk bulan ketiga..belum ada apa-apa tanda lagi..

Then one of my friends..my ex housemate actually suggest i untuk berurut...coincidently rumah akak tu dekat je dengan rumah i..huhu..selama ni punyalah beria-ia cari tempat berurut yang jauh-jauh..my fren ni kawen masa tahun 2011..
So i pergi jugalah...maknanya ni dah masuk kali ketiga tempat i berurut...
Rawatan dia agak panjang..and lama,,almost a month gitu..and dengan husband sekali..
Tak ada apa-apa bayaran dikenakan..seikhlasnya..
Kat sana juga, dapat kena a new circles of TTC friends..macam-macam cerita..ada yang dah nak masuk 10 tahun pun ada..ada yang anak dah umur 15 tahun nak second baby..ada yang asyik gugur..yang jauh dari Kedah dan Kelantan pun ada..
paling tak boleh blah...nak anak perempuan sebab dua-dua anak lelaki..(untung la boleh pilih-pilih macam tu kan)...
Alhamdulillah...mostly yang berurut dengan akak ni berjaya pregnant..(tapi bab pilih-pilih jantina tu i tak sure la berjaya ke tak).Ni bukan cakap-cakap sebab i jumpa sendiri dengan geng-geng TTc yang berurut ni...dari tak kenal jadi ada ikatan silaturrahim sebab biasanya bila masuk hari ke 100 pregnant atau 3-4 bulan, akak ni galakkan buat kenduri doa selamat kat tempat dia dan akan jemput geng-geng urut ni...Sedikit sebanyak ada aura positif yang menggembirakan..
Tentang urut ni plak akak ni buat cara Islamik dengan doa-doa dan amalan-amalan tertentu..dia akan ajar wirid2 yang perlu diamalkan..puasa 7 hari... dan lain-lain amalan fizikal...dan pemakanan
Rawatan i belum habis lagi dengan akak ni... ada lagi tiga kali kena datang berurut..

Currently Im in 2 weeks wait mode..harapan nya moga dengan usaha-usaha tambahan ni increase my chances to get pregnant..takde la bergantung dengan ubat-ubat hospital semata...

Berdebar juga nak tunggu 2ww kali ni..sebab rasanya dah usaha sehabis mungkin..tak nak berharap sangat tapi tipulah kalau kata tak berharap kan.... *smile*..

Semua pun dengan izin Allah juga..sesungguhnya Dia yang menghidupkan dan mematikan..'

Doakan saya dan suami ya kawan-kawan...semoga ada miracle kali ini..





Sunday, March 2, 2014

Ikhlaskah hati?

Saya ingat setelah bertahun-tahun, hati saya akan lali, jiwa saya lebih kental dan tabah.. tapi saya silap..membaca post di bawah dalam TTc Group Malaysia membuatkan saya menangis teresak-esak..mungkin masih ada sisa kepasrahan yang dinafikan di sebalik ketabahan yang ditonjolkan...


(credit to Po-g Yana dalam TTC Group Malaysia) "baru2 ni,sy ke masjid kristal utk mghadiri cramah ustaz kazim elias..antara lain intipati yg dpt sy coretkan dlm ati adalah  ABG2 YG ISTERI BLUM MGANDUNG,REDHO,mak2 mntua jgn marah mnantu tak mgandung..sbb mnantu tu la yg akn tlg mak2 masak kat dapo,yg tu la yg akn ngemas masa raya..menantu kite yg ada anak tu,sibuk dgn anak..yg tgh mgandung,perutnye smp ke kuali,mcmne dia nk mgoreng,yg xde anak tu la yg mnolong,sy dgn selamber,menangis dpn ustz..kbtulan sy duduk sbaris dgn kosi ustaz..blh jadik ustz nmpk sy nangis,smbung ustz lg,Allah ni maha adil..dia buat elok2 dah..di zmn nabi..seorg shabat bgun dan bertanyakan nabi..ya Rasulullah,aku pny 2 org anak yg mati d wktu kcik,siapa yg akn mnunggu aku di pintu syurga nnt?sabda nabi :brgsiapa yg pny 2 anak,dan ank dia mati d wktu kcik,ank tu akn mnunggu mak ayah nye d pintu syurga,bgun lg seorg shbt bertnya kan,bgaimana pula kami yg kematian seorg anak ya Rasullullah?anak itu pun akn tggu di pintu syurga,,kmudian,bgun siti aisyah ra,ya Rasulullah,bgaimana dgn kami,yg bkhawin tp xde anak??siapa yg akn mnunggu kami??jwb Rasulullah,AKU la yg akn menunggu mereka..SubhanaALLAH Allah maha hebat,mgutuskan Nabi semulia ini,UKE ckp lg,penungguan siapa lg baik??NABI ke ANAK?sye jwb dlm hati NABI ..kite jgn merintih..usaha..tawakal..redha..kasih syg Allah pd kite..lbih dr kemurkaanNya.."


Saya selalu mengingatkan diri..tabah lah hati...usaha..jangan putus asa..tawakal..redha..pasrah..bersyukur.. tapi ada kalanya terdetik juga...kenapa? kenapa? kenapa?  aduh...susahnya untuk menjadi manusia yang ikhlas hatinya....

Bukan tidak bersyukur..bukan juga tidak ikhlas..tapi ikhlas yang sebenar-benarnya..tanpa ada sedetik pun rasa terkilan..
Kita diberikan seribu satu kenikmatan dan kebahagiaan..tapi hanya satu perkara yang sangat kita inginkan tapi kita tak dapat membuatkan kita lupa melihat seribu kenikmatan yang telah ada pada kita...kita terkilan hanya kerana tidak diberikan anak sedangkan kita telah perolehi kemewahan dan harta dunia yang lain..sedangkan anak tu salah satu daripada kemewahan dan harta... 

Kenapa perlu dibandingkan apa yang kita tiada dengan apa yang orang ada..kenapa tidak kita bandingkan apa yang kita ada dengan apa yang orang tiada? Maka kita akan lebih menghargai...
Bunyinya senang kan..tapi ada kalanya kita tewas juga kan.. 


Ya Allah, ikhlaskan lah hatiku dengan ujian dariMu ini..






Thursday, November 14, 2013

FB Status

Since my previous post, there is time i post about my TTC journey in FB..sometimes i received few comments or likes and sometimes none..i even share my blog in my FB..i dont think there is need to hide anymore..they should what I'm going thru..and lucky enough also, some of my friends are starting to understand what Im facing...
During new hijri year i post my new resolution..I want a baby..
Purposely, so that they understands that me too has feeling to have my own child and that Im not in planning like they always assumed...
Alhamdulillah, i received many prayers...hopefully with all the doa, my wish will come true..


Follow by Email