The Miracle

Many were surprise with the arrival of my baby boy..
In blogs, i had a few posts in my draft which somehow i don't feel right to post..
Even in social media, i dont talk or post or mentioned anything about it..
It just seems not right..
Until a day we are at home, my hubby was the one who spill the beans in FB..

He was born at 36 weeks..a bit earlier than expected due date..too risky to wait until full term..
Yup, i found out quite late that im pregnant, dah 3 bulan lebih nak masuk 4..sebab i have my periods as usual..cuma jadi pendek macam sehari dua je and sikit je darahnya..
Kakak yang berurut tu kata bunting pelanduk namanya..
Oh ya, masa berurut yang kali keberapa tu..akak tu cakap, "macam dah ada ni".
Then dia cakap kat hubby, of course masa perjalanan balik ke rumah dalam kereta, nampak hubby macam happy sangat...tapi biasalah, sebagai seorang yang selalu patah hati, I buat bodoh je and cakap, jangan nak mengharap sangatlah..

Cuma one day, i demam..muntah-muntah teruk, makan ape pun semua keluar balik..suspect salah makan or masuk angin..pergi klinik nak minta MC sebenarnya and Dr (GP) suspect i pregnant..
But i denied it..to cut short Dr ask to make pregnancy test..sebab malas nak argue and to prove the dr is wrong so i pun buat je lah..
And that moment starts another new story in my life...

So later, i refer to Hospital Putrajaya since i memang dah buat treatment di situ..
First problem, i tak boleh nak detect when was my last period..
Then from blood test, saiz of the sac, and so on and the list go on..ok, it was assumed that my pregnancy was about 3 months plus..
Then, the bad news...
Since memang dari awal I ada masalah dengan saiz rahim yang kecik and abnormal, Dr already informed me that the chances for him to survive is 50/50, either misccariage or chances to early delivery..but of course i diberi suntikan untuk kuatkan rahim..and at the same time, berurut dengan akak tu untuk kuatkan rahim..
Seriously i dont really have a smooth pregnancy journey..
dan tak berhenti berdoa supaya selamat..
That is really tearing my heart into pieces, worst feeling than getting my IUI failed..
Orang masa pregnant happy je...i plak asyik nangis takut....tah pape je..maybe terlebih emotional kot..
Kalau dulu, willing to do anything to get pregnant..At that moment, Im willing to do anything to make sure the baby is safe..

I dont officially announce in FB..maybe a little hint to ada kot..but in general statement that actually nobody cares or can guessed it correctly..Lain-lain..life as usual..Rasanya orang yang ada di sekeliling je kot yang tau..
Reason: i takut if announce then something bad happen, i need to reannounce it again and people starts commenting in FB..Im afraid im not strong enough and emotionally stable to handle it..
Lagipun, macam mana we go through the TTC journey on our own, i think this journey too is our personal journey..

Alhamdulillah, finally, on 15 September 2014 at 11.09 pm,our strong baby boy was born..a few days in ward..next problem, i tak boleh nak produce enough milk to feed my baby yang kat hospital..nangis lagi..rasa bersalah sangat..Rasa macam "ko nak sangat anak, Tuhan dah bagi tapi kau tak boleh nak jaga dia kan"

Ok..ok..memang terlebih emo..

Tapi alhamdulillah...he is now one healthy, enegertic and strong boy..
And drastically put weight after 2 months..

Thank you God ... for bestowed me the best gift whne i less expected it...