I Love You (3) lagu fav (1) perasaan (38) TTC (44)

Sunday, September 23, 2012

new cycle

New cycle start on Saturday...

Exactly on Day 29...

Which means...


So, start again...

the cycle with clomid...

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Awareness Ribbon Colors and Their Meanings

Saje mengoogle tentang ribbon and colours..come across something very interesting to me...hmmm, tapi macam tak ada plak awareness ribbon untuk TTC...

"There are many colors and patterns of awareness ribbons in use today. Many causes share colors. Here the huge list of ribbons with different colors and the purposes of the ribbon colors for different societies and affairs.
awareness ribbons
Red = Aids/HIV, alcohol substance and drug abuse (includes inhalents), MADD, DARE, Epidermolysis Bullosa, Disaster relief, love, heart disease (also uses the red dress symbol), Stroke, supraventicular tachycardia, Wolff-parkinson-White Syndrom (WPW), Pro-life, hypertension, Evans Syndrome, Vasculitis, Wegener’s Granulomatosis.
Orange = hunger, leukemia, cultural diversity and racial tolerance, feral cats, motorcycle safety, Multiple Sclerosis, self injury, reflex sympathetic dystrophy (RSD), Support of the Jewish settlements in the Gaza Strip and North Samaria (Israel), skin cancer (with a sun in the center of the loop), Underage Drinking, Deep Vein Thrombosis, Work zone safety, Highway and Road Worker Memorial, Agent Orange exposure, kidney cancer.
Yellow = Support our troops, POW/MIA, suicide prevention, adoptive parents, spina biffida, missing children (amber alert), endometriosis, sarcoma (with or without a sunflower), myxoid liposarcoma, bladder cancer, liver disease, liver cancer, cholangiocarcinomas, hydrocephalus or hydrocephaly, hope in general, boycott Aruba (hope for Natalee), carbon monoxide poisoning, genocide awareness, Victorian Bushfire Disaster 09, osteosarcoma, Ewing’s sarcoma, chondrosarcoma
Green = Tissue and organ donation or transplants, depression (both adults and children), bipolar disorder, mental health, mental illness, eye injuries, Tourette’s Syndrome, bone marrow transplants and donation, Fanconi’s Syndrome, worker and driving safety, Von Hippel Lindau, glaucoma, missing children, leukemia, environment, Fibrodysplasia Ossificans, kidney cancer or kidney disease, neural tube defects, Mitochondrial Disease, growth and rebuilding, Progressiva, Cerebral Palsy, Save Darfur, Stem Cell Research, Neurofibromatosis, Lissencephally, Cornelia de Lange Syndrome, Save The Earth, Go Green, Recycling, Medical Marijuana, Support Family Farms and Rural Communities
Blue = Child abuse prevention, arthritis, gout, free speech, crime victims rights, waterquality, colon cancer, Dysautonomia, hystiocytosis, histiocytosis, Erb’s Palsy, Ankylosing Spondylitis, domestic violence, water safety (flooding, drowning and accidents), Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome (ARDS), second hand smoke, dystonia, interstitial cystitis, bracial plexus injury, Epstein-Barr Virus (EBV), Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, myalgic encephalomyelitis (ME) , Alopecia, Reyes Syndrome, education, Steven Johnson Syndrome, short bowel syndrome, Myositis, Anti-bullying, Leukodystrophy, Hurricane Support, Huntington’s Disease, police officers lost in the line of duty (AKA, the Thin Blue Line), Malaria, Syringomyelia, Neurofibromatosis, Sex Trafficking and Slavery, Cri du Chat Syndrome, Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome, polio awareness, Primary Immunodeficiency Disease (PIDD), Sensory Processing Disorder (reflex blue shade), Angelman Syndrome, Von Hippel-Lindau, Microcephaly Awareness
(royal blue shade)
Purple = Domestic violence, religious tolerance, animal abuse, the victims of 9/11 (includes police and firefighters), pancreatic cancer, Crohn’s Disease and colitis,
cystic fibrosis, leimyosarcoma, macular degeneration, Sjogren’s Syndrome, fibromyalgia, lupus, sarcoidosis, the homeless, Mucolipidoses, thyroid cancer, ADD,
ADHD, alzheimers, cancer survivor (this is a general color that anyone who has
survived cancer can wear), Pagan pride, Arnold Chiari Malformation, Mucopolysaccharidosis, Hurler Syndrome, children left
unattended in cars, childhood or pediatric stroke, Anti-Gay Bullying (Spirit Day), epilepsy (Purple Day)
White = Innocence, victims of terrorism, peace, right to life, diabetes, hypoglycemia, hyperglycemia, sexual assault of students, retinal blastoma, blindness, alzheimers, adoption, bone disease and bone cancer, Osteosarcoma, anti-child pornography on the internet, carbon monoxide poisoning (CO poisoning), post partum depression, survivors, Scoliosis, Anti-stalking, Men working to end men’s violence against women, Holocaust remembrance, Sex trafficking and slavery (efforts via the childrens anti-pornography and men working to end violence against women groups in 55 countries!), poverty, white ribbon with a knot tied in the middle for marriage equality, Gay-teen suicide
Black = Mourning, melanoma, anti-gangs, Anti-terrorism in Spain, narcolepsy, sleep apnea, sleep disorders, POW-MIAs, Primary Billiary Cirrhosis, Amish Support, gun control, accidents (general designation), Black Ribbon Day- a remembrance day for victims of totalitarianism
Brown = Anti-tobacco, colorectal cancer
Gray = Diabetes, hyperglycemia, hypoglycemia, brain cancer, glioblastoma, Parkinson’s, asthma, allergies, end sex trafficking and slavery in the UK
Lime Green – Lymphoma, Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma, Lyme Disease, Muscular Dystrophy, Ivemark Syndrome, Sandhoff Disease, Support for Adoptees Rights to open adoption records that have been sealed, mental health
Teal = Ovarian, cervical, uterine (all gynecological) cancers, food allergies, substance abuse, sexual assault, sexual abuse, Myasthenia Gravis, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, agoraphobia, panic or stress disorders (includes PTSD), Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Fragile X, Batten Disease, Tourette’s Syndrome (TSA designation), MRSA awareness
Turquoise = (teal colored items work too) Native American reparations, interstitial cystitis (IC Network designation), addiction recovery, Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia (CDH)
Turquoise With A Zipper = Global Chiari Malformation Awareness
Burgundy (Maroon) = Hospice care, multiple myeloma, cesarian sections, headaches and migraines, adhesions, thrombophilia and other coagulation or blood factor disorders, meningitis, polio survivor, Post-Polio Syndrome, Hughes Syndrome, brain aneurysm, Hirschsprung’s Disease (Congenital Megacolon), children undiagnosed or misdiagnosed with rare disorders or diseases, amyloidosis, hemangioma.
Periwinkle = Eating disorders, pulmonary hypertension, esophageal cancer, stomach cancer, GERD, IBS
Pink = Breast Cancer, Birth Parents, cleft palate, nursing mothers
Hot Pink – Inflammatory breast cancer
Pale Yellow = Spina Bifida
Amber = Appendix Cancer
Peach = Uterine Cancer, Endometrial Cancer, Alpha-1 Antitrypsin Deficiency
Cream = Paralysis, spinal cord injuries, spinal diseases or disorders, Spinal Muscular Atrophy (SMA)
Light Green = Pelvic Pain (chronic), Celiac Disease, STD Awareness, Human Papilloma Virus (HPV)
Mint = Polycystic Kidney Disease (PKD)
Emerald Green = Homeopathy awareness
Jade = Asian and Pacific Islander campaign by ALC to raise Liver Cancer and Hepatitis B awareness.
Sea Green – Stuttering or stammering awareness.
Light Blue = Prostate cancer, mens health, thyroid disease, lymphedema, Addison’s Disease,Trisomy 18, Velo-Cardio Facial Syndrome, Klinefelter’s Syndrome, hyperaldosteronism, scleroderma, Behcets Disease, Graves Disease, Shprintzen Syndrome, Edward’s Syndrome
Lavender = All cancers (general cancer awareness), epilepsy, hypokalemic periodic paralysis, rett syndrome, Hodgkins lymphoma, foster care or foster parents, infantile spasms, hysterectomy
Orchid (violet) = Testicular cancer
Fuschia (Magenta) = Pro-life, Feminism
Pearl (cream pearl or white pearl) = lung cancer or lung disease, Multiple Sclerosis, Mesothelioma, emphysema, Waldenstrom’s Macroglobulinemia
Silver = The Silver Ribbon Campaign For The Brain? for brain disorders and disabilities – includes Traumatic Brain Injuries (TBI) , Children with physical or learning disabilities, elderly abuse, stalking
Gold = Childhood Cancer (pediatric cancer), COPD, Embryonal Rhabdomysarcoma, Breast Feeding (The Gold Standard)
Copper = Menkes disease
Clear= Lung Cancer, Lung Disease
Light Baby Pink and Blue = Pregnancy and infant loss, SIDS, Male breast cancer, baby safe haven, amniotic fluid embolism, Hyperemesis Graviduram
Light Pink, White and Light Blue = Group B Strep (newborns)
Red and White = aplastic anemia, Squamous Cell Carcinoma, MDS & other Bone Marrow Diseases (AA&MDSIF designation)
Red and Yellow = Hepatitis C Virus (HCV), Teen abstinence
Red, White and Blue = Patriotism, 9/11 victims, fireworks safety
Red and Blue with a Heart = Congenital Heart Defects (also red,blue and red stripes)
Blue And Yellow = Down Syndrome, designated drivers (The Hero Campaign), Fatty Oxidation Disorders
Blue And Green = Intracranial Hypertension (Pseudotumor Cerebri)
Purple Ribbon with a Red rose = Cystic Fibrosis
Purple Ribbon with a Red Stripe down the middle = Chronic Migraine Awareness
Purple And Green = Hospice And Pallative Care
Purple And Blue = Rheumatoid arthritis, childhood or pediatric stroke
Purple and Yellow = Chemical Injury (all diseases, disorders, pain, discomfort, or hurt etc. arising from exposure to a chemical substance)
Purple And Black = Paranormal Awareness
Purple And Red = Desmoplastic Cancer
Purple Butterfly = Lupus (can just be a purple butterfly symbol), domestic violence (butterfly should be paired with a purple ribbon)
Jigsaw Puzzle Ribbon = Autism, Asperger Syndrome
Prism = Multiple Sclerosis (MS)
Orchid and Orange = psoriasis
Orange and Maroon = Virginia Tech Tragedy
Orange and Green = Ritual abuse, Dual Diagnosis
Orange and Blue= Pediatric Bipolar Awareness (top orange, bottom blue).
Lime Green and Aqua = adult stem cell donor
Teal And Pink = Hereditary Breast Cancer or a combo ribbon for gynecological and breast cancers.
Teal And White = Cervical Cancer
Pink and Gold – Phyllodes Tumors
Black and Pink = Bone Marrow Donor, loss of a daughter
Black and Lt. Blue = Loss of a son (you can also use Black and Navy to indicate an older son)
Black And White = Carcinoid Syndrome Cancer (has zebra stripes), Anti-racism, Anti-corruption
Black White And Black (three stripes) = Vaccine danger
Gold and Black = Platelett donor
Gold and Silver = All hearing or ear related disorders and diseases, Large Vestibular Aqueduct Syndrome (LVAS)
Blue and Silver = Living or coping with cancer
Lavender and White (two stripes) = Awareness for Missing and Unidentified Persons
Ivory, Burgundy and Ivory (three stripes) = Oral head and neck cancers, oral squamous cell carcinoma, throat cancer, laryngeal cancer, pharyngeal cancer
Ivory Lace = Osteoporosis
Navy Blue and White Pinstripes = ALS (Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis), Lou Gehrig’s Disease
Yellow, Lime Green, Orange, Aqua, Hot Pink= Myelodysplastic Syndrome
Orange, Green, Blue, Purple, Yellow = STD awareness
Red White and Red (3 stripes) = Leukemia and Lymphoma
Blue and White = In memory of Columbine, Teen cancer
RAINBOW = Gay pride or rights movement, same sex marriages
Red and Black = Murder victims (both adults and children), Self Harm or Self Injury (ASHIC designation)
Orange and Red = Myeloproliferative Disorders, Polycythemia Vera, Essential Thrombocytosis, Primary or idiopathic Myelofibrosis, myelosclerosis, Chronic myelogenous leukemia (CML)
Blue, White and Pink (3 stripes) = Parental Alienation Syndrome
Teal, Blue, and Pink= Thyroid Cancer (Thyca designation)
Silver, White, Baby Blue, and Baby Pink (colors run left to right along the ribbon)= Congenital Hyperinsulinism
Support Haiti Ribbons= I am currently aware of 4 ribbons in use to show support for Haitian earthquake victims. The colors being used are red, blue and yellow.
1. Red = color for disaster relief
2. Blue = used by West Virginia University
3. Blue and Red = can be a ribbon or heart shaped icon (colors of the Haitian flag)
4. Red, Blue and Yellow ribbons worn at the Golden Globes.
Kaleidoscope pattern = Fluoroquinolone Awareness
Red with a Gold outline = Neonatal Alloimmune Thrombocytopenia (NAIT) Awareness
Yellow and Black with a Red Star in the middle = Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI)
Source: Crafts n Scraps

Monday, September 17, 2012

Luahan hati

Apa yang aku tulis ini bukan untuk menyalahkan sesiapa, Cuma berharap ada yang lebih memahami situasi kami ini…Cuma luahan hatiku pada insan-insan di luar sana agar lebih memahami apa yg aku dan teman-teman senasib rasa dan apa yang aku alami… Untuk menulis ini sahaja membuatkan aku berfikir berhari-hari..perlu atau tidak? Terus terang, aku perlukan kekuatan untuk menulis kali ini..

Tak terlintas di hati ini untuk cemburu atau iri dengan anugerah orang lain kerana bagi ku setiap rezeki itu adalah anugerah Allah…bila2 Dia boleh bagi dan bila@ juga Dia boleh tarik balik…So, tak payahlah nak bongkak atau sombong dgn anugerah yang diterima..Setiap org ada masalah masing2 tapi perlu ke dicanang kepada semua? Aku percaya tiada satu pasangan pun di dunia ini yang tidak mahukan zuriat sendiri dalam rumah tangga. Tidak aku mempersoalkan rezeki yang satu ini kerana aku amat bersyukur kerana sentiasa dilimpahi rezekiNya dalam bentuk yang lain..Semua orang tak sama, ada yang rezekinya cepat dan ada yang lambat. Some can conceived easily but some are struggling to conceived...10-15% of couples will fall into the second group..

“ Bila nak ada anak sendiri ni?”, “Sampai bila nak berdua je?”.. Ya Allah, sesungguhnya soalan pertama seperti itu amat sukar untuk dihadapi. Bila? Bila ye? Kalau lah jawapannya semudah esok, lusa, bulan depan, tahun depan, bagusnya jika boleh menetapkan sendiri semudah itu…yang pasti jawapan bukan di tangan kami, kalau anda masih percaya pada qada dan qadar Tuhan..seperti mana ajal, maut, jodoh, rezeki yang satu ini adalah rahsia mutlak Yang Maha Esa..

“Zuriat tu pengikat kasih sayang” ~ kenapa? Apakah tanpa zuriat, kami tak boleh memupuk kasih sayang, jika begitu, kenapa ramai pasangan yang sudah mempunyai zuriat tapi masih bercerai-berai?

“Nanti kalau tak ada anak, suami kahwin lain”~ sama juga seperti di atas, apa penentunya jika ada anak suami tak kahwin lain? Kenapa ramai je suami yang dah ada anak cari bini muda? Dan kenapa diletakkan salah itu pada sang isteri, bagaimana kalau suami yang ada masalah~ boleh ke isteri tadi tu kahwin lain juga?

“Apabila hamil, saya rasa hidup telah lengkap sebagai wanita” or "bila mengandung baru lah lengkap diri seorang perempuan tu"…oh ye..ayat ini pun ada dalam cerita Ombak Rindu..Sentap dowh…tahu tak kata-kata ini ibarat pedang yang menghiris hati ini…cepat-cepat lari masuk toilet, kunci diri..nangis puas-puas…aduh, hina sangatkah kekurangan ku yang satu ini? Rasa kecil sangat dengan kekurangan diri..

"Kalah dah ko dgn si anu tu"...oh, ini ayat biasa bila orang yng kahwin kemudian dari kita tapi mengandung dahulu...adakah mempunyai anak dan beranak-pinak itu satu pertandingan? Yang dah ada satu perlu cepat-cepat tambah dua. yang dua kena dapat tiga hanya semata-mata supaya tidak kalah dengan kawan-kawan sekeliling...dan adakah dengan tidak mempunyai zuriat lagi, maka kami dilabel sebagai sebagai golongan yang kalah?

"Korang ni tak berusaha nak ada anak"...Usaha macam mana lagi makcik. Rasanya orang-orang TTC ni paling banyak kumpul petua nak dapat anak. Dari yang tradisional, moden, rawatan Islam semuanya kalau boleh dan berkemampuan, mesti kami cuba usahakan. Tapi takkan la kami nak cerita semua tu kat makcik kan...tak kan la setiap kali nak kena update status kat makcik...tu kan rahsia rumah tangga kami...x perlu la saya jelaskan lagi pada makcik yang lebih arif tentang ilmu agama kan....Yang pasti kami tahu rezeki itu perlukan usaha untuk mendapatkannya..takkan datang bergolek depan mata...tak kira lah rezeki apa pun... Penantian itu sudah cukup menyeksakan tapi kami pasrah yang rezeki kami belum tiba lagi...terus berusaha sambil mencari punca yang tidak pasti..

Tu belum lagi termasuk makcik2 yang suka sangat suruh2 pegang baby /anak orang dgn kata2 supaya berjangkit…aduh! Singkat betul fikiranmu makcik…Adakah anak itu sejenis virus yang boleh berjangkit2? Adakah dengan memegang atau mendukung baby tersebut boleh menyebabkan kami pregnant sekelip mata..bukankah ianya memerlukan hubungan antara suami dan isteri?

Firstly, I have no problems with what I am going through now…belajar menerima dan redha dengan apa yang dialami bukan mudah , tapi yang menjadikannya semakin sukar adalah sikap segelintir insan-insan di sekeliling yang seolah-olah menganggap apa yang kami alami adalah satu masalah besar dalam hidup mereka…menjadikan masalah kami adalah masalah mereka sehingga sanggup “memberi nasihat” tanpa mengira sama ada ianya menyinggung perasaan kami atau tidak...

Dan tak perlulah nak banding-bandingkan setiap orang itu. Ada yang rezekinya cepat dan ada rezekinya lambat dan mungkin ada yang tidak dikurniakan zuriat tapi rezekinya melimpah-ruah dalam aspek yang lain pula.

And please lah, Just because we all ni belum ada anak lagi, you all simply can say yang kitaorg ni byk duit sebab tak perlu nak spend untuk anak.  Mana u all tau kitaorg ni banyak duit ke tak? Something like,” U xpe la, xde anak lagi, bole blanja shopping suka hati, boleh spend holiday senang2”..I understand the highly cost of rising a child. But do you guys know that the cost of treatment and supplement what we are going through to have ONE BABY is a lot a lot higher than a cost of rising your CHILDREN..As much as you guys are willing to spend every single cents on your baby, we are willing to spend every single penny to get the baby...and we will continue spending every single penny when we have one...and juz imagine after spending let say RM10K for an IVF treatment, the result is negative…that is what some of us are facing. so, please don’t compare our expenses with yours coz actually it is nothing..

Ini hanya sebahagian saja contoh-contoh yang pernah dialami.banyak lagi kalau nak dikumpulkan kisah kawan-kawan yang sedang TTC ni. So, lepas ini tolonglah lebih memahami dan jangan lagi diajukan soalan2 yang sensitive  macam tu…faham, mungkin ada yang tak sengaja, takde niat pun nak menyinggung hati dan tak tau pun kata-kata macam tu boleh menyinggung perasaan orang lain...this is juzt my simple thought to share...

Friday, September 7, 2012

D12 FT

Day 12 FT was on 5 September 2012..


Right Ovary: 16.9 X 18mm & 12 X 10 mm

So, Dr. decide untuk cucuk Pregnyl (lebih kurang macam gambar kat bawah ni) X 2 which means 10000i.u.

Pregnyl 5000 IU 3x
  And have to BD for three consecutive days...

Hopefully, ada miracle yang menanti bulan hadapan...              

Monday, September 3, 2012

1st FT

Hari ni 1st time melalui Follicle Tracking (FT)

Hasilnya ada tiga follicle di ovari sebelah kanan

Result Day10:

Right Ovary: 14 x 15.6mm, 11.6 x 10mm and 6 x 5mm
Left Ovary: multiple small follicle..

Itu saja, will be continued FT on Day12

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