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I Love You (3) lagu fav (1) perasaan (38) TTC (44)

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Perasaaan ini...

Tak tau kenapa...
Setiap kali balik je dari hospital...
Hati mesti sedih dan sayu...
Mesti je rasa nak nangis...

Kadang-kadang terfikir...
Why me? why it has to be me?

Setiap kali balik je dari hospital...
Mula terfikir bukan-bukan...
Macam mana kalau ditakdirkan kami memang tak punya zuriat?
would i end up in the old folks home later?
die alone and lonely?

Its a long and tiring journey...
And it tested my patient to the maximum..
Kadang-kadang nak nangis sebab rasa macam tak boleh nak lalui lagi..
Penderitaan perasaan macam ni..
Kenapalah orang susah sangat nak faham?
Kenapalah orang anggap buat baby tu macam semudah nak masak nasi?
Kadang-kadang nasi pun boleh jadi bubur la....

Some said (and advise)..
Jangan stress, rileks je..chill out..
Kalau stress macam mana nak ada baby/
Is that so?

But when you become me,
With all the hopes..long lasting treatment which lead to no where yet...
With the feeling you have to bury..
Like you are an alien in the group of normal people...
Then you will understand better..
How can i be rileks and chill out and not stress..
Tell me how and why?

i hate i have to put myself in this situation..
and i hate the feeling of putting my husband in this situation too...
and it sadden me when i realize that maybe
our baby making process has to be done in the lab...
through all that kind of processess and procedures...
when it suppose to be a romantic process..no lovey dovey stuff...
but what matter is..
we have our own child...

Okay...
i know aku dah mula melalut yang bukan-bukan..
but who cares, this is my place to express my feeling...

7 comments:

  1. salam dear...hurmmm! TM juz dtg nak memujuk...its cliche biler orang ckp "sabar lah tak der rezki lagi.." tapi TM nak gitau..."jangan tense2 or stress...sb kita taw smua Allah's plan kan?" positively maybe Allah nak both of u relax2 dulu...nanti once Dia dah bagi kang, hurmm berderet2 kan? Deep breath k dear!

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  2. my heart goes for u dear. I know exactly what u mean by "With the feeling you have to bury..
    Like you are an alien in the group of normal people..." been there almost everyday. Be strong :)

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  3. dear ,
    jangan putus asa.. kerana masih ada insan lain yang lebih lama lebih tersiksa. always tengok ke bawah jangan tengok ke atas. at least u have husband who love u more and appreciate u more. agree the stress u r lagi susah nak dpt baby. even i x kahwin lagi but trust me always bersangka baik dengan allah kerana dia lebih mengetahui apa yang terbaik untuk kita..
    i'm here always for u. cherrioooooooo

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  4. Honeylily,

    be strong oke. Tp terkadang mmg kita akan ada rasa ini. Tkpe. Luahkan. dan itu adalah normal.
    Why me? why you? and why us?

    Sbb kita adalah insan terpilih. Yg Allah tahu kita kuat utk hadapi nya. Dan tak seme dapat 'keistimewaan' ni :))

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  5. kadang2 melalui luahan kat blog..ase hilang masalah buat seketika kan...semoga kesabaran tu milik bersama...bak kata pn stoberi...kita adalah insan terpilih...

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  6. sbg manusia mmg tak pernah lari drpd mempersoalkan takdir.. tapi saya selalu ingatkan diri, tuhan tak bagi apa yang kita nak, Dia bagi apa yang kita perlu..

    Mungkin tuhan rasa yang honeylily perlu tunggu sebelum dapat apa yang honeylily nak.. :-)

    InsyaAllah, He knows it all.. :-)

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  7. kawan-kawan: thanks for the words...
    Yup! Sebab kita insan terpilih...the chosen one...
    It has always to be me...

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