My BFF is pregnant

One of my bff CT (story dye ada kat sini) msg me telling that she is 6 weeks pregnant..
She has been TTC'ing for four years...we share a lot of things together in this TTC journey.. i think she is the only person that I've talked about TTC in real life, beside my hubby..
Of course I am happy for her..When she told me, i pulak yang rasa happy and sebak. Indeed, it make me happier to hear a TTC friend gets pregnant than usual friends...rasa nak menangis pun ada. Alhamdulillah...praying for everything will be safe for her and her baby...She said this is not the end, but actually a new beginning..

As for me,
Seriously my emotion and mental are more stable now compare to previous year...maybe kalau dulu i mungkin jadi "meroyan" bila dengar orang di sekeliling i preganant..but now, im more ok..
Biar lah, tu rezeki they all..
And selalunya juga, baru i perasan, bila je i tensen dgn cerita org pregnant, Allah mesti akan bagi i rezeki lebih...
Contohnya yang nilah..my BFF msg about the news, then a few hours later, i got order...
Macam Tuhan nak bagi reminder to me, He might not give me that rezqi but He is sending me the rezqi in other form...So be thankful...

I dah tak kisah dah apa orang nak cakap...and i dah tau macam mana nak "lawan" emosi bila orang bercakap pasal kita...
And i dah tak ambil peduli pasal orang-orang yang suka menyakitkan hati i...i only care about my heart feeling...macam tu i dah tak tensen and stress lagi dah...
And this journey juga telah mematangkan diri I ni and appreciate life more than ever...
Yang penting my hubby is there to support me...

IUI to SI

Semalam adalah follow up check up..Seperti cadangan Dr, suppose this cycle nak proceed with IUI..

And me and hubby had discussed it over and over about this matter but hubby is refused to do it in the toilet..

And i have to respect his decision as this is our journey together not only mine..

So we have discussed a few options such as 

1) do it at home/nearest hotel and send it to the hospital..

2) try to do it in other hospitals...

Yesterday results,

i have three - four follicles on the right ovary...better than previous months result yang cuma ada 1-2-tak ada langsung...(tihihihi..tetiba berangan nak twins, boleh?), left-null..

So Dr kata boleh la nak proceed IUI as been planned. So i asked whether it is possible that my hubby do "it" at home and send it here. Ok, the idea was rejected totally as she said," Nanti sampai sini, semua dah mati mcm ada patient tu, nanti waste je"...

Ok...

But she said it is up to us..it is our decision. She suggested that we try naturally again sebab kalau nak buat kat tempat lain, boleh but not this month..."IUI is just a shortcut procedure to help sperms increased the chances to meet ovum"...

Ok...

And she also advised me to try using ovulution kit starts saturday until tuesday so that we can planned the BD more accurately...if still negative on Sunday, then i have to come back again for the Hcg injection on Sunday night...

Ok Dr..tq for ur advises...

Oh ya, about my cyst...Dr said nothing to worry, (maybe one of the four follicles is my cyst but the size is not   worrying..

And i did asked about special treatment room for hubbies...

One of the Senior Dr mentioned that they are planning to do the renovation for that facilities soon...

Glad to hear that..but Im not sure when or how soon is soon..but at least they have starting doing something about it that could benefit us in the future..

Now, nak g cari Ovulution Kit kat farmasi....

Happy 3rd Anniversary

Today, three years ago..officially u and I are united in a simple solemnization ceremony...



Today, two years ago...instead of celebrating our first anniversary, i was sent away because of work for a week and we didn't have the chance to celebrate it, not till two months later...

Today, a year ago...again, i was away away because of DPA and we didn't celebrate it at all...

Today, I am blessed when i went to sleep yesterday, you are the last face that i saw and when I wake up in the morning, you are the first thing i see...




HAPPY 3RD ANNIVERSARY MY DARLING DEAR

Reply from Hospital Putrajaya

Received reply from Hospital Putrajaya through email...

Simple but promising...Hopefully..
Especially on the part "tindakan penambahbaikan akan diambil serta-merta"..

Well, i will be waiting to see that happening....


"Salam sejahtera,

Tuan/Puan

Dengan segala hormatnya merujuk kepada perkara tersebut diatas

2. Pihak hospital mengucapkan terima kasih kerana memberi maklumbalas
mengenai perkhidmatan kami.

3. Pihak kami akan meneliti cadangan dan perkara-perkara yang
dibangkitkan oleh pihak tuan/puan dan tindakan penambahbaikan akan
diambil serta- merta kerana hasrat pihak hospital adalah memberi
perkhidmatan yang berkualiti kepada setiap pesakit yang menerima
rawatan di Hospital Putrajaya.

4. Pihak kami menghargai keprihatinan tuan/puan dalam memberi
kerjasama untuk meningkatkan kualiti perkhidmatan kami.
Segala kesulitan yang dialami pihak tuan/puan amat dikesali.

Sekian, terima kasih

"BERKHIDMAT UNTUK NEGARA"

Saya yang menurut perintah,

THINAKARIDEVI A/P SHANMUGAM
PEGAWAI PERHUBUNGAN AWAM
HOSPITAL PUTRAJAYA   "

Letter to Hospital Putrajaya Part 2

This is the draft content of the letter that i sent to Hospital Putrajaya...
Skema kan ayat? Hehehe..been quite a long time since the last time i wrote official letter..

What i wish here is that the government should be more aware on this matter, thus provide appropriate facilities for us..Insya allah...

Assalamualaikum wbt

Salam Sejahtera

YBrs. Dr,

CADANGAN PENAMBAHBAIKAN KE ATAS KLINIK PAKAR OBSTETRIC & GYNECOLOGY (O&G) HOSPITAL PUTRAJAYA

Dengan hormatnya saya merujuk perkara di atas.

2.         Sebagai makluman saya dan suami merupakan sedang menjalani rawatan kesuburan di Hospital Putrajaya semenjak tahun 2011. Kami telah memilih Hospital Putrajaya memandangkan kami tinggal di kawasan Kajang dan bekerja di Putrajaya, ia akan memudahkan kami untuk berulang-alik ke hospital memandangkan proses rawatan kesuburan mengambil masa yang panjang selain kos rawatan yang amat tinggi di hospital swasta adalah di luar kemampuan kami yang sangat inginkan cahaya mata.

3.         Alhamdulillah, sepanjang kami menerima rawatan di sini, kami amat berpuas hati dengan layanan yang diterima daripada para jururawat dan doktor di Klinik O&G, terutama sekali Dr. Suhaila yang selalunya mengambil kes saya dan tidak pernah jemu memberi penerangan, nasihat serta menjawab pelbagai persoalan yang saya utarakan. Pujian harus diberi kepada kakitangan Klinik O&G Putrajaya yang sentiasa ramah, berlemah-lembut dan murah dengan senyuman kepada pesakit, berbeza dengan layanan yang diterima di hospital kerajaan yang lain.

4.         Namun begitu, kami agak terkilan kerana semasa suami diarahkan untuk menjalani ujian sperma, tiada bilik khas disediakan sepertimana di sesetengah hospital lain ataupun di LPPKN. Para suami perlu melakukannya dalam tandas hospital sebelum menyerahkan tabung tersebut ke bilik prosedur A bagi tujuan analisis. Kami dimaklumkan bahawa Hospital Putrajaya belum berkemampuan untuk menyediakan kemudahan tersebut sebagaimana di pusat-pusat rawatan kesuburan yang lain, dan mana-mana pasangan yang menjalani proses rawatan kesuburan di sini (termasuk IUI) akan melalui pengalaman yang sama, dalam bilik tandas.

5.         Pada pendapat kami, adalah tidak rasional apabila pesakit diarah untuk menyediakan benih beliau di dalam tandas bagi prosedur-prosedur rawatan seperti ini yang mana ianya akan digunakan sebagai usaha dalam proses mendapatkan zuriat, dengan izin dariNya jua. Dalam Islam sendiri, tandas atau bilik mandi merupakan tempat yang tidak disukai oleh Allah swt kerana di dalamnya tempat berkumpul segala kekotaran dan syaitan. Kebersihan adalah perkara yang amat dititikberatkan tidak kira agama, maka tidak sepatutnya tempat seperti ini dipilih untuk proses mengeluarkan air mani untuk dijadikan zuriat. Maka, seharusnya perkara ini telah dipertimbangkan sejak mula klinik pakar O&G hendak dibuka di Hospital Putrajaya.

6.         Setelah setahun lebih berlalu, kami berharap perkara ini telah ditambah baik selari dengan label hospital pakar di tengah-tengah Pusat Pentadbiran Kerajaan Persekutuan serta bilangan pesakit infertility yang semakin meningkat di hospital ini. Mungkin juga pihak hospital terlepas pandang akan perkara ini memandangkan golongan pesakit infertility seperti kami yang mendapatkan rawatan kesuburan di hospital kerajaan merupakan golongan minoriti yang menyumbang peratusan kecil dalam bilangan pecahan pesakit.

7.         Sehubungan itu, kami berharap pihak hospital secara khasnya dan pihak kementerian secara amnya untuk lebih peka terhadap keperluan kami. Justeru, kami ingin mencadangkan agar pihak hospital dapat menyediakan bilik khas kepada para suami yang perlu membuat persediaan bagi menjalani proses IUI atau IVF di Hospital Putrajaya sepertimana di sesetengah hospital lain ataupun di LPPKN. Bagi kami, proses mendapatkan zuriat melalui rawatan adalah satu proses yang panjang dan menguji. Sekurang-kurangnya dengan kemudahan yang lebih baik disediakan, dapat memberikan sokongan moral dan motivasi kepada semua pesakit yang menjalani proses IUI dan IVF.

 8.         Sebagai sebuah hospital pakar, perkara ini seharusnya mendapat pertimbangan yang sewajarnya daripada pihak Hospital Putrajaya dan Kementerian Kesihatan Malaysia agar reputasi hospital ini selari dengan hospital-hospital pakar yang lain sebagai sebuah pusat perubatan yang menawarkan rawatan kesuburan. Perkara ini dengan hormatnya dicadangkan untuk kebaikan bersama semua pesakit yang mendapatkan rawatan di Hospital Putrajaya.

Sekian, terima kasih.

Signed by me and hubby..

Letter to Hospital Putrajaya

Letter of suggestion dah siap draf...tinggal nak print and hantar je...

Tapi dah send via email 1 copy td...

Hopefully it will benefit us and all TTCs who are seeking treatment in government hospital...

Planning for IUI

Following the previous entry...

Balik tu I and DH pun meeting la about the result and the next step as Dr suggested..

I pun tanya DH, "U sanggup ke nak buat kat hospital putrajaya?"..actually i dah tau dah jawapannya...since the last time masa kena buat HSA lagi...

Kekurangan Hospital Putrajaya adalah tak ada tempat atau bilik khas untuk para suami macam di LPPKN or hospital private or sesetengah hospital yang lain...DH has to do his "business" in the toilet...

DH: "Tak, they all tak de facilities tu lagi ke?"
Me :" Rasanya tak de lagi kot"
DH: "Then my answer is no..Im not going to use something from the toilet to make my babies...for test, ok."

Hmmm...ye la...i pun setuju...we can accept that our baby making process have to be done in the lab; not through some lovey dovey stuff in a romantic and intimate situation, but to ask my DH to produce his in a toilet, that is something we cant accept..at least a proper and better room; not toilet...

Toilet is for you to poo and pee..even in Islam..tandas tu merupakan tempat yang kotor dan tempat yang disukai syaitan..

I think hospitals in Malaysia should look through about this matter for better service delivery in the future...
I am thinking to write a letter to the hospital or MOH but workload currently are out of hands...but im sure i will write to them about this suggestion..at least in the future it could benefits all TTC who seek treatment in the govt hospitals..

Sebenarnya, hati ini masih berbelah bagi sama ada nak continue atau tak..
And tiba2 plak AF pula dah menjelma semalam sebelum sempat buat keputusan...awal dari yang sepatutnya..maybe kesan Pregnyl bulan lepas kot...

So, the next alternative is to find other treatment centre kalau nak buat IUI jugak..

Tapi nak ke LPPKN sangat jauh di KL plus bila I call tanya, they answered yang I kena start from zero semula, means kena buat ujian darah HSG semua balik...that sounds frustraten to us..

2nd: PPUKM
Dah call juga, okay...cuma perlu dapatkan referal letter dari hospital putrajaya dan bawa  semua laporan perubatan ke PPUKM untuk dapatkan tarikh temujanji...sounds better..

Tapi masalahnya adalah hari ni dah D2...memang la tak sempat kan kalau nak buat appointment untuk IUI kat PPUKM for this cycle...

Harapannya..got to skip this cycle...

Oh ya, kenapa saya tak ke private hospital je?
Jawapannya, saya kurang berkemampuan buat masa sekarang...
Jadi, saya usaha setakat kemampuan diri ini...
Insya allah...


So, ape lagi..book a ticket, lets fly...

Cysts

15 Oktober 2012 (ISnin) : Appointment di O&G Putrajaya

Result: Confirm Cysts saiz 2 x 1.5 cm...

Dr Suhaila kata saiz tu kecil dan tak perlukan operation. And tak mendatangkan apa2 kesan pada diri I ni..

Next: DR suggest untuk proceed IUI plak... and tambah dosage clomid 100mg...

Rasa hati: sedih..nangis (lagi)..rasa cam kosong je...rasa cam semua harapan dah takde..

dah la belah kiri dah block...belah kanan plak ada cyst..what else can be wrong now??


today 1st day of new cycle...

yg pasti jiwa rasa kosong..kosong..kosong...

Words of wisdom...

New TTC update

As the new cycle started on 22 September, so today is my appointment in Hospital Putrajaya for FT.
Pukul 8.30 tiba..ramainya orang hari ni..ambil no je dah setengah jam lebih sikit..then lapor kat klinik O&G ~ kul 11.00 baru dapat jumpa Dr...the same Dr. for last month treatment, Dr. Suhaila kalau x silap..
Then, FT result ada satu je about 3.2 cm X ??(tak ingat dah)...
Quite big , right?

Dr dah mushkil, is it becouse of the clomid tapi hari ni baru D11..or something else...I dont have cyst record before but she mentioned it can happen..and she went to get second opinion from other Dr...So, disebabkan tak sure adakah itu follicle ataupun cyst..She prescribe me with Pregnyl 10,000 ml, and have to come for check-up on 15th Oct. If it is a follicle, it wont be around anymore on that day, otherwise it might be cyst..

Drop my jar...how can that possibly be?

The last thing i want to hear now is having another problem as addition to my current hard-to-conceive situation ..i feel like crying..could things get worsen each time? What else could be wrong now? Have i not having enough cause in this TTC journey?

Oh yes, actually i don't know why...
Tiba-tiba rasa sangat malas nak go on treatment this month...
Rasa macam," apa nak jadi pun jadilah"..
Even sebenarnya nak pegi appointment pagi tadi, puas hubby pujuk baru i pegi..
bangun pagi semalam dah cakap kat hubby," if i rasa malas nak continue treatment bulan ni boleh tak?"

Entahlah, semuanya serba tak kena..
Actually im having some crisis with my hubby last weekend..
I know most of the time, it was my mistake..
I dont know why, but recently i became more sensitive with what ever he did or said...
Im so vulnerable and easy to cry..even small things can make me sad...
Having those stupid nightmare which interrupted my emotion...

Mood swing....

Rasa macam pasrah je...
Maybe i did something horrible and terrible without realising it..
And thats why maybe God is punishing me for that..

And one point i think i am strong enough to go through this.. full of inspiration and motivation..as i always believe God will never burden something that is beyond your capability...
But at one point, i cried as i feel i can't go on to face this situation yet to accept the fact that i might not have my own babies...