Little munchkin is now 4 months old..

How should i starts..

Just a simple annoucement..Sorry for not informing earlier..

We are blessed with a beautiful anugerah on 15 September 2014 at 11.05 pm.



To my arjuna,

You are not the final destination, but the extended journey of what mummy and daddy has gone through before..

You are the reminder on how mercy God is...

and the prove that miracles do happen..


I don't know if I will become a good mother. But I believed I will be a loving mother, I will show to him that he is special, but not necessarily be an arrogant. He is unique, but not necessarily centre of attention. He is brilliant, but not necessarily fast. He is strong, not necessarily underestimating others.

Salam TTC..

If you see a married couple with no children don't always ask them "Guys when are you about to have some kids!" Be sensitive. You have absolutely no idea what is going on in their lives and what Allah has written for them. Even though you mean well, just be sensitive to their situation

usaha sepanjang setahun ini...

Assalamualaikum...

Lamanya bersawang blog ni kan...

Lama tak menulis..

Bukan sengaja..

Tapi sebab memang tak ada apa-apa pembaharuan apatah lagi perubahan...
Treatment hospital pun dah lama terbengkalai...
Dah setahun berlalu since the last IUI..
Bukan tak nak sambung tapi masa tu kekangan kerja yang sangat tinggi..
Diberikan peluang menggalas tanggung jawab yang besar...melaksanakan dua tugas serentak..
Fuh, macam superwomen rasanya..
Rasa macam dah ready nak mencabar diri sendiri ke tahap yang lebih tinggi..
Tapi...

Tapi diam tak diam masa berlalu membuatkan usaha TTC selama ni jadi terabai...
Sayang..Marriage pun ada sedikit kedinginan dalam tempoh tersebut..
Tiada kepuasan kerja...apatah lagi di rumah..
After setahun mengambil kesempatan dengan program transformasi di ofis..
Minta tukar unit...biarlah orang cakap tugas sekarang ni tak mencabar..tak glamour..
Sebab rasanya bukan itu yang dicari...
Yang pasti boleh balik on time setiap hari ...takde lagi nak kena out station selalu..takde lagi balik lambat selalu..takde lagi perlu bekerja sehingga ke hujung minggu...

Alhamdulillah..hidup makin teratur dan normal dalam dua bulan ini..
Kalau ada yang tertanya-tanya..belum...saya masih lagi seperti setahun yang lalu..

So, saya sambung semula usaha TTC...
Mungkin sebab stress dengan kerja, period saya yang selalu je teratur dan on time jadi ting tong...
And masalah keputihan yang agak teruk juga..sampai rasa gatal yang amat..sampai saya garu pun melecet n luka..
Tambah satu masalah baru kan...

Kebetulan masa tu tengah 'panas' dengan produk Shaklee..saya cuba..kebetulan ada seorang kawan bloggers n seofis yang jadi pengedarnya...
And saya amalkan membersihkan tempat tu dengan dengan air rebusan daun sirih..
Alhamdulillah period saya jadi ok semula...and keputihan pun hilang..

Kemudian,
Satu hari tu..
Bos lama datang jumpa saya...nak bagitau good news...
Dia bagitau dia dapat sambung belajar ke Jepun..
Oo..sedikit latar belakang beliau..
Umur awal 40-an..dia lambat kahwin..kahwin tahun 2010 iaitu setahun selepas saya..
Husband dia pun dalam 40s camtu..tapi duda..pengacaara sebuah rancangan talkshow kat RTM..hehe..kalau bagitau nama mungkin ada yang kenal..
Selalu juga tukar-tukar cerita ttg TTC ni, she is a very understanding and supportive person..
Im so lucky to have her as my immediate boss actually...
She told me she is 2 months pregnant..huhu...masa tu kami sama-sama rasa macam nak menangis..
Sebab dia kata, bagi dia at her age tu dapat kahwin and ada seorang suami yang penyayang pun dah besar rahmatnya..terutama sekali bila dia nak start buat treatment tapi husband dia macam tak supportive..so dia pendamkan je..lagipun family dia or in laws tak pernah bagi pressure..maybe sebab situasi and usia dia kot..
So dia abaikan je.
Sampaila dia amik Shaklee untuk atasi masalah ezcema dia yang teruk..alhamdulillah jadi ok..then dealer dia tu suggest la dia untuk amik set kesuburan shaklee..so dia pun try lah..alhamdulillah after 2 months dia pregnant..
Im just so happy for her..double joy..
Then dia adalah share item2 Shaklee yang dia amik...nanti i share kan ye..

So, i pun cubalah juga the whole bunch of sets yang dia dah cuba tu..manalah tau kan...
Tapi dah masuk bulan ketiga..belum ada apa-apa tanda lagi..

Then one of my friends..my ex housemate actually suggest i untuk berurut...coincidently rumah akak tu dekat je dengan rumah i..huhu..selama ni punyalah beria-ia cari tempat berurut yang jauh-jauh..my fren ni kawen masa tahun 2011..
So i pergi jugalah...maknanya ni dah masuk kali ketiga tempat i berurut...
Rawatan dia agak panjang..and lama,,almost a month gitu..and dengan husband sekali..
Tak ada apa-apa bayaran dikenakan..seikhlasnya..
Kat sana juga, dapat kena a new circles of TTC friends..macam-macam cerita..ada yang dah nak masuk 10 tahun pun ada..ada yang anak dah umur 15 tahun nak second baby..ada yang asyik gugur..yang jauh dari Kedah dan Kelantan pun ada..
paling tak boleh blah...nak anak perempuan sebab dua-dua anak lelaki..(untung la boleh pilih-pilih macam tu kan)...
Alhamdulillah...mostly yang berurut dengan akak ni berjaya pregnant..(tapi bab pilih-pilih jantina tu i tak sure la berjaya ke tak).Ni bukan cakap-cakap sebab i jumpa sendiri dengan geng-geng TTc yang berurut ni...dari tak kenal jadi ada ikatan silaturrahim sebab biasanya bila masuk hari ke 100 pregnant atau 3-4 bulan, akak ni galakkan buat kenduri doa selamat kat tempat dia dan akan jemput geng-geng urut ni...Sedikit sebanyak ada aura positif yang menggembirakan..
Tentang urut ni plak akak ni buat cara Islamik dengan doa-doa dan amalan-amalan tertentu..dia akan ajar wirid2 yang perlu diamalkan..puasa 7 hari... dan lain-lain amalan fizikal...dan pemakanan
Rawatan i belum habis lagi dengan akak ni... ada lagi tiga kali kena datang berurut..

Currently Im in 2 weeks wait mode..harapan nya moga dengan usaha-usaha tambahan ni increase my chances to get pregnant..takde la bergantung dengan ubat-ubat hospital semata...

Berdebar juga nak tunggu 2ww kali ni..sebab rasanya dah usaha sehabis mungkin..tak nak berharap sangat tapi tipulah kalau kata tak berharap kan.... *smile*..

Semua pun dengan izin Allah juga..sesungguhnya Dia yang menghidupkan dan mematikan..'

Doakan saya dan suami ya kawan-kawan...semoga ada miracle kali ini..

Ikhlaskah hati?

Saya ingat setelah bertahun-tahun, hati saya akan lali, jiwa saya lebih kental dan tabah.. tapi saya silap..membaca post di bawah dalam TTc Group Malaysia membuatkan saya menangis teresak-esak..mungkin masih ada sisa kepasrahan yang dinafikan di sebalik ketabahan yang ditonjolkan...


(credit to Po-g Yana dalam TTC Group Malaysia) "baru2 ni,sy ke masjid kristal utk mghadiri cramah ustaz kazim elias..antara lain intipati yg dpt sy coretkan dlm ati adalah  ABG2 YG ISTERI BLUM MGANDUNG,REDHO,mak2 mntua jgn marah mnantu tak mgandung..sbb mnantu tu la yg akn tlg mak2 masak kat dapo,yg tu la yg akn ngemas masa raya..menantu kite yg ada anak tu,sibuk dgn anak..yg tgh mgandung,perutnye smp ke kuali,mcmne dia nk mgoreng,yg xde anak tu la yg mnolong,sy dgn selamber,menangis dpn ustz..kbtulan sy duduk sbaris dgn kosi ustaz..blh jadik ustz nmpk sy nangis,smbung ustz lg,Allah ni maha adil..dia buat elok2 dah..di zmn nabi..seorg shabat bgun dan bertanyakan nabi..ya Rasulullah,aku pny 2 org anak yg mati d wktu kcik,siapa yg akn mnunggu aku di pintu syurga nnt?sabda nabi :brgsiapa yg pny 2 anak,dan ank dia mati d wktu kcik,ank tu akn mnunggu mak ayah nye d pintu syurga,bgun lg seorg shbt bertnya kan,bgaimana pula kami yg kematian seorg anak ya Rasullullah?anak itu pun akn tggu di pintu syurga,,kmudian,bgun siti aisyah ra,ya Rasulullah,bgaimana dgn kami,yg bkhawin tp xde anak??siapa yg akn mnunggu kami??jwb Rasulullah,AKU la yg akn menunggu mereka..SubhanaALLAH Allah maha hebat,mgutuskan Nabi semulia ini,UKE ckp lg,penungguan siapa lg baik??NABI ke ANAK?sye jwb dlm hati NABI ..kite jgn merintih..usaha..tawakal..redha..kasih syg Allah pd kite..lbih dr kemurkaanNya.."


Saya selalu mengingatkan diri..tabah lah hati...usaha..jangan putus asa..tawakal..redha..pasrah..bersyukur.. tapi ada kalanya terdetik juga...kenapa? kenapa? kenapa?  aduh...susahnya untuk menjadi manusia yang ikhlas hatinya....

Bukan tidak bersyukur..bukan juga tidak ikhlas..tapi ikhlas yang sebenar-benarnya..tanpa ada sedetik pun rasa terkilan..
Kita diberikan seribu satu kenikmatan dan kebahagiaan..tapi hanya satu perkara yang sangat kita inginkan tapi kita tak dapat membuatkan kita lupa melihat seribu kenikmatan yang telah ada pada kita...kita terkilan hanya kerana tidak diberikan anak sedangkan kita telah perolehi kemewahan dan harta dunia yang lain..sedangkan anak tu salah satu daripada kemewahan dan harta... 

Kenapa perlu dibandingkan apa yang kita tiada dengan apa yang orang ada..kenapa tidak kita bandingkan apa yang kita ada dengan apa yang orang tiada? Maka kita akan lebih menghargai...
Bunyinya senang kan..tapi ada kalanya kita tewas juga kan.. 


Ya Allah, ikhlaskan lah hatiku dengan ujian dariMu ini..

FB Status

Since my previous post, there is time i post about my TTC journey in FB..sometimes i received few comments or likes and sometimes none..i even share my blog in my FB..i dont think there is need to hide anymore..they should what I'm going thru..and lucky enough also, some of my friends are starting to understand what Im facing...

During new hijri year i post my new resolution..I want a baby..

Purposely, so that they understands that me too has feeling to have my own child and that Im not in planning like they always assumed...

Alhamdulillah, i received many prayers...hopefully with all the doa, my wish will come true..

fertilityasia.com.my

I was introduced to this page through TTC Group Malaysia....

I found out that this page is essential to me as TTCian and could give a lot information ...

And there is Hope For A Child Campaign...

 

feel free to visit www.fertilityasia.com.my

Should i officially announce that I am TTCing on FB?

Don't know where to start my post today..
Something happened yesterday..
Something that suddenly give me that idea..

Maybe i should officially announce on FB that I am TTCing..
So that people at least will know..
I don't hope they will understand because I know they won't or worse..they don't even care actually...
But if they care, they will know how to face me...
What should or should not be asked, or say in front of me..
Know how to communicate with me without hurting my feelings...

Im not an active commentors or postings in FB..
It juz a place for me to keep track with my friends...playing games...selling my business...
But from my observation. FB is really strategic place to say anything you like, to curse people, to shout out your opinion, to share your interests and even sharing your whole life...

Wedding or pregnancy announcement and progress, your daily life, what you eat, where you go, what you did, what you are wearing today, how do you feel today and even an obituary are announced in FB..
It's the first place to get news about other people/friends around you...

I observed what my friends posts..
Usually it will related to their interest or liking..
Actually u can see the trend
Some are so into politics..they post anything either pro or cons of the certain parties or Govt..
Some are really crazy about football (like my hubby) till you can see all his post or post featured by his friends on his wall are all related to football..
Some are crazy about food...food..food and food...or business..business..or business...or always on vacation/job tour (this one I really envy!!!)
And young couples (married and not) tend to post or share about all sorts of petua keharmonian rumah tangga, kasih sayang, love quotes and something related to relationship..(and definitely will tag their partner)
Young mothers and pregnant mothers will always share all sort of tips relating to parenting and pregnancy include their personal experiences and progress...
And some first timer parents could be very obsessed with their parenting and keep updating about their child progress..
And you can see the trend in their interest with their circles of friends or life...

What the hell all this related to my post today..

Well, something did happened yesterday which hurts me (again)

Make me realize..these group of people usually will chat publicly among themselves about something so related or so dear with them...
But the problem about us (i mean here TTCian) is that we rarely outspoken our thoughts..or publicly chatting about it with each other..not like other issues...
We only express our concerns in the blog..or in the closed group like TTC Group...
How many times we really chat about it publicly with our friends? TTC friends?
How many people out there really understands the word or abbreviation  that TTCian used?
And how many really post about their TTC Journey publicly in FB? And why I never post about my TTC Journey in FB? Is it because I'm scared? Or is it because I feel down about my situation? And maybe because it sounds not right or not our Malaysian's culture to share the "dalam kain" stories?

Then, how can the people understands what we are going through? What we feel?
How much money we spend on that?
Maybe not directly write everything...
Maybe I can start with something like.."I am TTC since bla bla bla"
So if they wondering what that mean, they will google it..
Then, some updates on what procedure Im going throught..like example if today i go for FT then i will announce the result.."Todays FT result bla bla bla"
And the list should goes on...
So, I should find the courage to post about my TTC Journey in FB..
So, people will know...especially those who are close around me..

And so that they can passed the stories to any mulut longkang makcik who like to disturb our peacefull and harmony life...
And so that people also understand although we never conceived (yet but one day we will) our knowledge about fertility is above all..don't underestimate us like we know nothing at all. You will be surprised that we know better how to calculate our period, fertile days, signs that we're ovulating, when and how to BD through many ways, all kind of petua in the world about conceiving, everything that you need to know about your body and conceive. We even got  the knowledge from Drs who is specialist in O&G and because we pay for it..not through reading or googling or sharing post in FB that you dont even know the genuine source...we know a lot of things that sometimes people who have a dozen children also never thought of...So, dont pretend and ignore us like we know nothing when in fact we know better than you...